Superheroes We Want To See

September 25th, 2010
catwoman53071 200x300 Superheroes We Want To See

Catwoman - every boy's favorite villain.

The world is sadly short of proper superheroes these days.

Batman has gone all weird and teamed up with Catwoman (although the way she’s drawn nowadays, that’s fair enough, frankly).

The world has realised that being bitten by a radio active spider would have given Spiderman cancer, not superpowers.

Superman became a quadriplegic in a horse riding accident.

The Gorskys have turned their mind to this dilemma, and come up with some suggestions for the next wave of comic books.

  • Captain Nuclear – uses his amazing fission powers to catch villains by causing a nuclear meltdown in their underpants.
  • Nuclear Lass – uses her amazing good looks to catch villains by causing a nuclear meltdown in their underpants.
  • The Amazing Expando – that’s not a gun in his pocket.
  • The Dynamic Dyslexic – misreading crime by fights.
  • Enviroman – uses his hippy powers to fight crime by tying himself to trees until the villains go away.
  • Bo, The World’s Tallest Dwarf – Uses his uncanny height to defeat criminals. His battle cry is “I’m not a dwarf, OK. I’m just short!”
  • Peter Reith Man – Uses his weird lips to undermine union power at every turn – the world’s evilest hero.
  • Mr Millennium – the world’s most overrated superhero.
  • The Amazing Flasher – uses his disgusting powers of self-revelation to repulse villains into submission.
  • Captain Beans-On-Toast – lights his farts in the name of Justice!
  • Mr Muscle – Loves the jobs you hate.
  • Beer Gut Man – His aluminium crushing powers scare even the staunchest foe!
  • Water Boy – wets himself at the first sign of danger. Young ward of Rubbersheet Man, the world’s kinkiest hero.
  • Bureaucracy Man – Will happily save you from a life threatening situation once you’ve filled in the right forms in triplicate. If you’d like this doyen of protocol to save you, call 1-800-bureaucracy and follow the prompts.

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Superheroes We Want To See

Your Suggestions

  1. The Supremist God help any villian that is a “faggot”, “nigger” or a “kike”. Wears army fatigues and owns a Rottweiler named Satan.

    Current score: 1

    Buster Gonads [25/07/2003]

  2. The Great Geek Sidekick to Ultimate Loser, The Great Geek is the annoying classmate who always does the homework, and gets good grades. He bores his opponents to submission by talking about any school-related crap.

    Current score: 0

    Lost Soul [28/03/2003]

  3. Is your butt expanding? Yes? You don’t know? I can see it is!!! But never fear coz’ Pin Man will save you with his razor sharp needles! When your butt is in need of poping Pin Man will do the job! Vive Le Pinman!

    Current score: 0

    Anony mous [03/02/2003]

  4. Ted The Useless Guy Ted The Useless Guy’s only real powers include stealing pencils from your workplace and leaving the shavings on the ground for villains to get splinters on. He can also cut out publications and leave them on evil crime lords’ chairs.

    Current score: 0

    Bob Johnson [07/01/2003]

  5. Inverto Man At the first sign of trouble he turns completely inside out. Can only do it the once though!

    Current score: 2

    Andrew Lancelot [07/01/2003]

  6. Glassper With the abillty to see through glass

    Current score: 0

    Leon Kennedy [07/01/2003]

  7. Broken Boy Broken Boy’s only ability seems to be that he can fall apart at any time. The only superhero to have his ass kicked after it has been removed from his body.

    Current score: 0

    Adam [07/01/2003]

  8. Chafeman Can’t go anywhere without walking slowly, legs bowed, and making several types of grimaces.

    Current score: 0

    Nathan Gallender [07/01/2003]

  9. Samuel L Jacksonman Is capable of defeating all enemies simply by being a bad mother fucker.

    Current score: 0

    Kathrine S¯ndergÂrd Hansen [07/01/2003]

  10. Monty Python Man He will slap you with a fish or a dead parrot! If you get him really mad he will drop a 10 tons waight on you.

    Current score: 0

    Ya know [07/01/2003]

  11. The Backstreet Teenyboppers! The most feared superheroines and one strange superhero in the galaxy. They fight a never ending battle against NSYNC Fan! Who will win? (Do I care?)

    Current score: 0

    A good friend of some really strange girls and one really really weird guy! [07/01/2003]

  12. Really-needs-a-dictionary man Defeats his enemies by driving them insane with the same large word (the meaning of which is unknown to him) used repeatedly in coversation.

    Current score: 0

    capn_midnight [07/01/2003]

  13. The Solicitor A relentless and undeterred opponent – EVEN against the mightiest of resistance. The Solicitor, cunning and ruthless – an anti-hero if there ever was one, emerges victorious by wearing down his adversaries with a constant barrage of ads. The villain, unable to rest from the onslaught, momentarily lowers his or her defense in exhaustion – only to be hit with the patented, "Solicitation Devestation" move!!!! In this deadly all out assault, the villain is hit by pop up ads, spam, phone calls, and informercials – ALL AT ONCE!!! To date, only a powerful Ahmish mafia ring and a few wayward Pygmies have been able to hold him at bay. Stay tuned………

    Current score: 0

    Rhythmandbluesix [07/01/2003]

  14. Annoying Flying Insect Man Lands on his enemies’ faces and makes them hit themselves while getting off scott-free!!

    Current score: 1

    monkeygirl [07/01/2003]

  15. Captain Lego He can hide right in front of you without being seen and waits for you to step on him then those damn circular spike things stick in the villains foot and they jump around in pain unable to do anything

    Current score: 0

    Anonymous [07/01/2003]

  16. Captain Calculus An integral part of protecting the world! His father is Al G. Ebra, and his alter ego is Isaac Leibniz.
    Weakness: He can’t drink and derive.
    Weapons: Lazy S gun, Prime beam, Disc thrower and the dreaded Death Shell!

    Current score: 0

    SwampJedi [07/01/2003]

  17. Captain Volvo Super powers include: Magicaly taking up three whole lanes of a road with only one vehicle.
    Not managing to get close to any speed limit even on a steep downhill.
    Parking in the middle of a carpark exit and waving for people to drive past!
    Untouchable by police!

    Current score: 0

    Man Behind The Myth [07/01/2003]

  18. Dennis Rod Man By day, a cross-dressing weirdo, by night, a basketball star who dyes his head in a different pattern every day and comes late. And you thought Mike Tyson was insane.

    Current score: 0

    Kent Clark [07/01/2003]

  19. 1000 Word per minute Woman Speaks so fast the heads of villans just explode with frustration.

    Current score: 0

    Man Behind The Myth [07/01/2003]

  20. PantsWoman She fears no-one. She will fly in and change the soiled under-garments of any one involved in an accident. Possible enemy of Underpants Dude. Utillity belt holds pants of various sizes and styles. Backpack contains wipes and pressure hose, with lemon scented water. She discovered her abilities a mere 4 years ago when trapped under a truck carrying soiled nappies. The eminating stench gave her super powers.

    Current score: 0

    Joy Bates [07/01/2003]

  21. Captain Procrasto Promises he’ll save you in a couple of minutes!

    Current score: 0

    Jessica T [07/01/2003]

  22. Real-Live Plastic Action Man Just like the figurine, only real! Comes complete with kung fu grip, realistic scar and no genitals!

    Current score: 0

    Jessica T [07/01/2003]

  23. Stuntman-Man his guy makes his fighting skills look cool, but they do absolutely nothing to the bad guy…pretty useless actually, and he always seems to get his arse kicked.

    Current score: 0

    Kaite F [07/01/2003]

  24. Papercut Dude His weapons include sheets of A4 paper and a bottle of lemon juice! Ouch, watch out villains!

    Current score: 0

    Jessica T [07/01/2003]

  25. Nurse Woman Invites her enemies over for dinner then spends the entire dinner conversation talking about bile and colostomy bags. Her enemies are incapacitated with nausea.

    Current score: 0

    Patrick Atherton [07/01/2003]

  26. Oprah Winfrey Man Creates disabling pulses of air by inflating herself, then shrinking, then inflating, then shrinking, then inflating, then shrinking, then inflating, then shrinking,
    then pisses off enemies by advertising the fact over and over on national TV.

    Current score: 0

    Kevin L [07/01/2003]

  27. The Blind Man Sees naked nuns by getting let into the bathrooms by saying ‘its just the blind man’, then drives the villians to suicide by telling them nonstop about it (even though the nun was 60).

    Current score: 0

    Mike Hunt [07/01/2003]

  28. Infinite IQ Lady Scares her enemies into submission by leaving her IQ pellets along their path – each one containing her explosive wit and wisdom. Has an endless supply of pellets because her IQ is infinite.

    Current score: 0

    Bridget Flood [07/01/2003]

  29. Premenstrual Girl ll I can say is- Don’t do anything to get on her nerves.

    Current score: 0

    Jeanine [07/01/2003]

  30. The Floridian Defender With the powers of kicking all things that suck out of Florida – He must consume 3 tonnes of Florida Oranges a Day to Use his powers though – watch out those oranges sting!

    Current score: 0

    D. Tuttle [07/01/2003]

Got a great idea for a Superhero?

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