Superheroes We Want To See

September 25th, 2010
catwoman53071 200x300 Superheroes We Want To See

Catwoman - every boy's favorite villain.

The world is sadly short of proper superheroes these days.

Batman has gone all weird and teamed up with Catwoman (although the way she’s drawn nowadays, that’s fair enough, frankly).

The world has realised that being bitten by a radio active spider would have given Spiderman cancer, not superpowers.

Superman became a quadriplegic in a horse riding accident.

The Gorskys have turned their mind to this dilemma, and come up with some suggestions for the next wave of comic books.

  • Captain Nuclear – uses his amazing fission powers to catch villains by causing a nuclear meltdown in their underpants.
  • Nuclear Lass – uses her amazing good looks to catch villains by causing a nuclear meltdown in their underpants.
  • The Amazing Expando – that’s not a gun in his pocket.
  • The Dynamic Dyslexic – misreading crime by fights.
  • Enviroman – uses his hippy powers to fight crime by tying himself to trees until the villains go away.
  • Bo, The World’s Tallest Dwarf – Uses his uncanny height to defeat criminals. His battle cry is “I’m not a dwarf, OK. I’m just short!”
  • Peter Reith Man – Uses his weird lips to undermine union power at every turn – the world’s evilest hero.
  • Mr Millennium – the world’s most overrated superhero.
  • The Amazing Flasher – uses his disgusting powers of self-revelation to repulse villains into submission.
  • Captain Beans-On-Toast – lights his farts in the name of Justice!
  • Mr Muscle – Loves the jobs you hate.
  • Beer Gut Man – His aluminium crushing powers scare even the staunchest foe!
  • Water Boy – wets himself at the first sign of danger. Young ward of Rubbersheet Man, the world’s kinkiest hero.
  • Bureaucracy Man – Will happily save you from a life threatening situation once you’ve filled in the right forms in triplicate. If you’d like this doyen of protocol to save you, call 1-800-bureaucracy and follow the prompts.

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Superheroes We Want To See

Your Suggestions

  1. Superdick Able to pull off the most amazing stunts and still look like a total dork.

    Current score: 2

    Hazel Anthony [07/01/2003]

  2. Mole Man Nobody knows who he is and nobody gives a shit.

    Current score: 2

    Hazel Anthony [07/01/2003]

  3. Libido Man You need a description…doesn’t the name say it all?!!! IDIOT!!!

    Current score: 3

    JR <span class="josanswer">[Able to satisfy women in a single bound? - - Liam]</span> [07/01/2003]

  4. The Dickhead He uses his powers pf anoyence to drive away his confused enemeys leaving them crying and pantless.his sidekick is the shithead and his arch enemey is the nice guy.

    Current score: 2

    Ken Walsh [07/01/2003]

  5. Mega Sunday Driver Man Thwarts evil villans by standing in their way and moving forwards very slowly, thus preventing the ability of villans to go anywhere and destroy the world…HURRAH!!!!

    Current score: 2

    JR [07/01/2003]

  6. Manbat A complete rip off of batman his enemeys are the jokester the riddlest double face womancat and his sidekick is sparow the wonder boy.

    Current score: 2

    Ken Walsh [07/01/2003]

  7. Super Poop Gives all villians bouts of diarrhea and then describes their poo. All his victims have made a promise to themselves never to poop again and die of the poo poisioning their bodies.

    Current score: 0

    Anonymous [07/01/2003]

  8. Mr. Immortal He hasn’t died yet, so he must be immortal.

    Current score: 0

    Thomas Bloodgood [07/01/2003]

  9. Constipation Dude Runs up to the evil bad guys and makes very scrunchy faces at them, while releasing a terrible stench that knocks out the villain while he is distracted by his face. His only weakness is extremely harsh laxatives and restrooms without something to grab on to.

    Current score: 0

    Friendly Guy [07/01/2003]

  10. Captain Bloodloss He trys to stand up long enough to do some good but always seems to pass out.

    Current score: 0

    Matthew Johnson [07/01/2003]

  11. Imbecile Woman mp; her side kick and daughter Dimwit Girl – Totally amazes the villans with their obvious displays of complete stupidity rendering the foes useless with the shit that dribbles out their mouths whilst letting all the other superheros do the work they take the credit later in the proceedings.
    Don’t laugh I actually worked with both these people.

    Current score: 0

    Anonymous [07/01/2003]

  12. [Useful Supervillain Tip] Don’t try to kill the hero with spiders orsnakes or name calling. That doesn`t work.Use guns, bombs, and Kenny G.

    Current score: 0

    Jake Wilson [07/01/2003]

  13. Captain Women’s Libber Hammers villains into submission with her increasingly lesbianic tendencies.

    Current score: 0

    David Ruth [07/01/2003]

  14. Captain Chemo Makes his enmies involuntarily vomitt, go bald. His secret weapon is to destroy the immune systems of evil villians and let some horrible disease kill them, completely releiving himself of blame. Caution: Captain Chemo has an affection for breasts, prostrates, and other sources of cancerous flesh.

    Current score: 0

    Mac [07/01/2003]

  15. Geekman the superhero who gioves new meaning to the words "battle cry". Able to wail mummy! and be heard two blocks away. With his trusty calculator and biro he will divide, add and subtract villains to make society an equal place.

    Current score: 0

    Damon Stevenson [07/01/2003]

  16. Starrman With his boring morals he bores villians to death and then pounds them with his millions and millions of pages of reports!

    Current score: 0

    Adam Lepzelter [07/01/2003]

  17. Captain Canada A complete idiot and has no intelligence whatsoever. He ends all his sentences with the infamous Team Canada saying "EH"
    Lair: An old rustic cabin in Northern Ontario
    Favourite Weapon: His complete stupidity will ward off any evil in his sight.
    Favourite Show: Pokemon, because it’s educational.

    Current score: 0

    Anonymous [07/01/2003]

  18. Captain Struthers Eats enormous amounts of food in front of the villain until the villain dies in disgust. Her special attack is saying "please feed these starving ethiopians" even though she has enough food in her refrigerator to stop world hunger. Her allies are: Jabba the Hutt, and anyone who gives her candy bars.

    Current score: 0

    Ceaser Satrreliona [07/01/2003]

  19. Captain Chaos When all around looks calm and serene, you can rely on Captain Chaos to appear and really screw things up!!

    Current score: 0

    Keith Rees [07/01/2003]

  20. Vindaloo Man He lurks from Curry House to Curry House, his trusty Popadom Gun in hand, searching out the villains: those who will not eat anything hot enough to dissolve their stomach lining. All those who stand in his way get a rather spicy enema from his Magical Madras Machine, and that can be nasty: the ablutions can be very painful and last for weeks.

    Current score: 0

    Angi Novatscou [07/01/2003]

  21. Mahir Man This is my superhero.
    WELCOME TO MY HOME SUPERHERO !!!!!!!!!
    I KISS YOU !!!!!
    I like music , I have many many musicenstrumans my home I can play
    I like sport , swiming , basketball ,tenis , volayball , walk ………
    I can leap tall buildings in a single bound.
    I like sex.
    I like travel around world at supersonic speeds. I go 3-4 country every hour
    I went , Germany , Nederland , Belgium , Austria , Denmark, Sweden , Hungary
    Moldovia , Ukraina , Bulgaria , Romania , Macedonia ,Azerbaijan , Georrgia, Iran …..
    whew! I tired. I sleep.

    Current score: 0

    Patrick Boyle [07/01/2003]

  22. Sarcast & Sardon, the Dynamic Duo Sarcast uses his withering lack of wit but sarcastic tone to baffle his enemies into thinking he’s a bit of a spiteful little swine, then sardon finishes them off by being an utter sociopath and standing in the kitchen and being miserable at parties.

    Current score: 0

    Tony Moss [07/01/2003]

  23. Captain Mum She keeps the villians in their room until they clean it up.

    Current score: 0

    Sally P [07/01/2003]

  24. Saddam Man He tricks bad guys by inviting them into his lair and then pretends he isn’t a superhero and tells them he doesn’t have a lair.

    Current score: 0

    Jake Wilson [07/01/2003]

  25. Salman Rushdie Man He can go invisible at the slightest sign of danger and no one can find him.

    Current score: 0

    Jake Wilson [07/01/2003]

  26. Incontinento The worlds smelliest superhero

    Current score: 0

    Anonymous [07/01/2003]

  27. Couch Potato Man Sits on his butt all day and lets the other super heroes go to work and slave all day until the bad guys realize they are going nowhere so they commit suicide. Damn, he’s good.
    Weapons: Cold beer, remote, favourite chair with kick up lever.
    Weaknesses: Low batteries in the remote, nagging wife telling him to get up off his butt and get a job, nothing on TV.

    Current score: 0

    Canaan James Martin [07/01/2003]

  28. Toilet Duck and Bleach Boy This dynamic duo wait for an unsuspecting villain to pass water, then drop the lid down on his manhood.

    Current score: 0

    John Prescott [07/01/2003]

  29. Legal Mind Man Whenever trouble is about he uses his mind games to reduce the enemy to tears and confession.

    Current score: 0

    Booka Booka [07/01/2003]

  30. BBQ MAN he is a cannibalistic trans-nympho-necro-pyro-hemo-schizo-philia-phreno-vesta-maniac: he is afraid of everything who has to have sex with the burning bodies of dead people. He must be careful because he is also a bleeder. He has multiple personalities and multiple partners. He dresses in women’s lingerie and eats his cooked victims. His victims are usually the worst of villains deserving the worst of punishment.

    Current score: 0

    Keith Adams [07/01/2003]

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