Although a perennial favourite, spooning is best if there's at least one person involved.
After a while, even the best relationships can do with a bit of spicing up.
Couples can get complacent, and a vigourous nightly ritual can become a lazy once a month activity.
But it’s never too late to inject some fun and excitement into your love life.
If you’re looking for some exciting, athletic, kinky and perverted sex positions, let us be your guide. The Karma Sutra is thousands of years old, and quite frankly, a bit old fashioned in these modern times. We’ve updated that old sex positions manual with some new ones that will make your sex life tuly orgasmic.
These great sex positions will make your love life stronger (and potentially put out your lower back, so please make sure you’re paid up on your health insurance before you try them).
- Ken and Barbie style – Neither partner is allowed to bend at the elbows or knees.
- Doggie style – The man attempts to do the impossible.
- Froggie style – Male and female partners in large spa. Male attempts to fertilise female using only the water as a transmission medium. For couples who don’t like each other much any more.
- Fish style – same as Froggie style, but neither partner may use their arms or legs.
- Mummy and Daddy Love Each Other Very Much, And Hug Each Other in A Special Way style – The only position in this list you won’t be embarrassed to tell the kids about when they’re five.
- Style style – Sex with a Vogue Living editor.
- Crouch position – Each partner crouches down on the ground, then simultaneously leaps up, and attempts to couple whilst in mid-air.
- Couch position – Same as the crouch position, but starting at opposite ends of the living room couch.
- Ouch position – Usual outcome of the crouch position.
- Lazy Susan style – Susan goes to sleep.
- Russian style – Partners queue for hours for enough vodka to make each other look attractive.
- Nostrodamus sex – Any encounter that comes as a complete surprise.
- Osama Bin Laden’s position – If you know this position, please contact the FBI for your $25 million reward.
- Bank style – Screw the customers.
- Missionary position – Each partner kneels and prays.
English breakfast style Get her to eat your sausage then enter her cottage and play some cricket.
SWAT Style 30 seconds from bang to bullets.
Standing there The two of you just stand there. Anywhere. Nothing else to it.
John Howard style No matter how bad it was for them, DON’T SAY SORRY!
The Angry Pirate. A girl gives a guy head, and he ejacultates in her eye. Kick her in the shins and she jumps up and down on one leg and says “Arrrrrrrrrrrr!”
Boot Camp Style Make em do fifty while cleaning your weapon
Snob Style At the height of passion, start name dropping.
Going solo postition ttempting to mate while drinking lemonade
Magician Style Propose this to a girl (or guy) and when she asks "How is that?", you say "we have sex and then you disappear."
Job interview style you lie, cheat and pretend to be someone else to get in.
S.A.S. Style In and out in three minutes without her knowing
Elvis style Don’t drip on my blue suede shoes
Bad Golfer style Give your balls a good whack, spend 5 minutes rummaging in the bush, and then make three unsuccessful attempts at the hole.
Broken Guitar style Remove g-string.
Electrician style Lie about the size of the job.
Michael Jackson style Just lay there and let the kids play
Maths class style He opens up the brackets then uses his ruler
Saddam Hussein style He’s got a weapon of mass destruction, but she can’t find it.
The Big Brother Position You do it in a crappy old shed that’s been covered with red curtains and fluffy lace pillows on a matress with no covers or quilt and about 20 cameras filming you.
R-Rated Movie on Free-To-Air Television Style he woman feigns excitement, the man is unable to display an erection- a few seconds later, it’s over and everyone starts thinking about products.
Ozzy Osbourne Style Start off ‘Flying High Again’ with a little ‘Sweet Leaf’. Get out your ‘Iron Man’, unless you have a ‘Mr. Tinkertrain’, then you better say ‘Goodbye To Romance’ But if your mate has ‘Desire’ give it a ‘Shot In The Dark’, just make sure you don’t take the ‘Road To Nowhere’ unless you’re a bum pirate or trying not to make any ‘Crazy Babies’. Just remember while you shag like a couple of ‘War Pigs’ that you give fair warning by yelling ‘Mama, I’m Coming Home’!
Dodgeball style Throw the balls till you get a hit
Bagpiper style Do it with Amazing Grace
Superman position Get your partner to dress up as Superman, then later make a crack about him being faster then a speeding bullet.
Kangaroo style Hop around in her pouch until she comes down under
Cowboy style Once you’ve engaged in intercourse tell her that her sister is a better bonk than her and see if you can hang on for eight seconds!
Dog In A Bathtub Mount partner from behind similar to doggy, then insert testicles as well. It’s just about as easy as trying to get a dog in a bathtub.
Kit kat style Give someone the finger!
Army Men Style He throws his hands in the air to surrender, while she blows him away.
International style With Russian hands and Roman fingers.