If your PC spontaneously melts it could be Satan, or it could be you need to turn up the air conditioning. Either way, it's time to buy a new PC.
How to tell if Satan has possessed your computer.
- Your monitor spins 360 degrees
- You have 666 MB of RAM
- Even your four year-old doesn’t know how to fix it
- It spits blood when you eject a floppy disk
- Your login ID has been changed to “Lucifer”
- There’s a start menu in the bottom left of your screen
- You get a “General Protection Fault at GOODNESS.EXE” error message
- It prints out all your files backwards
- That exciting new program tempts you for 40 days and 40 nights, but you still can’t get it to work.
- It tempts you with the Tree of Knowledge (the Internet), then damns you to an eternity of broken pipes, slow connections and IRQ conflicts.
- Your home page is suddenly www.satan.com.
You start up your pc and find XP on it!
Instead of the windows music playing when you turn your computer on, blood arises underneath the keys on your keyboard.
Your mouse mat looks like a ouija board and you keep getting email messages from your great-great-grandma.
You need Priest to format your hard drive.
You are constantly experiencing flashing pictures of Sadam and Bush on your monitor
You clean off the dust on top of the monitor and find a 666 mark.
Your computer flickers on and off…your internet service keeps redialing itself….and connecting you to your ex……
Your computer disappears when you lay your bible near it.
You post on E-bay that you have an old clock you’d like to sell and when you check it you realize your PC just sold your soul.
You gaze at the screen and come to hours later with weird red paint on your hands and don’t remember where youve been
When you hook onto the internet the only web pages you can access is the senior citizen porn site, Granny’s Gone Wild
It says, “Hi my names chucky, I want to be your friend” everytime you sign on.
RE: “Your PC starts playing “living dead girl” every time you have mail”
I read “living dead girl” as “Living Doll” and I thought jeez, Cliff Richard, that is fucking scary!
Every time you turn it on you see “Now starting Windows ME”
Your PC eats all your pictures of Elijah Wood and replaces them with a collection of Dick Cheney pictures…without your permission!!!
Your computer changes your im name to JASONVORHEESE@friday the 13th.com
Your mouse leaves you the number of the beast burned into your hand and the monitor in your forhead
I get a ‘pop-up’ from something called wizzard every 5 minutes asking me if I would like to “stop annoying pop-ups!” If this isn’t the Devil at work inside my computer, what is?
Your mouse leaks blood all over your mousepad
When you discover that that the x icon representing the close button has metamorphosed into a Nazi emblem.
You find your soul has been auctioned on E-bay
Your screen saver is a picture of a dancing purple dinosuar that was on TV which you could’ve sworn you killed two weeks ago
You have the utmost desire to light a black candle and run around naked whenever you get spam e-mails.
Every time you check your account, it transfers all your money to Bill Gates.
It changes your IP address to 666.666.666, your favorite web page to http://www.hell.com, and bookmarks sites of unspeakable horror and temptation. Just like any computer virus.
Your CD-Burner really burns your CD’s
Your fan is spitting flames.
If the wires try to eat your head.
It has a pointy red tail and a pitch fork.
As soon as you find out you got an e-mail from your significant other, the internet disconnects