Withered dead cats are a wonderful pet for children of all ages. They require no food, don't need to be cleaned up after and don't make a peep. (Photo: Peter Casamento Photography)
Pets offer children unconditional love. They rely on the child for care and nurture and as a result, the kid learns responsibility and the vital importance of more-than-monthly meals.
Pets are also creatures that have to put up with whatever treatment the kid dishes up to them, no matter how mean or cruel. This gives your child an invaluable insight into the secret joys of parenthood.
But kids really lack imagination. Every child wants a dog or a cat. Or a hamster.
There are hundreds of animals out there offering fantastic benefits as pets. Here are our preferred pets for children.
- Piranha – Lets your kid get out of PE whenever they’re prepared to sacrifice a finger.
- Tortoise – If your child is a slow runner, a tortoise will boost their confidence by allowing them to win every running race.
- Make Chia Pets in the shape of human genitals to teach them about sex as they approach puberty.
- Toads – These warty marvels can give a child valuable insights into the true power of witchcraft.
- If your kid is a little forgetful about feeding their pet, a vampire bat is a great choice. An open-necked pair of PJs for your little darling will ensure the bat never goes hungry. Has the added upside of imparting eternal life as an undead lord to your youngster.
- Polar bear – Rewards your child with bear hugs whenever they are offered fish. Unfortunately, their white fur means they show dirt.
- Kangaroo – For very young children, the kangaroo’s pouch makes a great cubby house.
- Owls – If your child loves Harry Potter, owls represent a wholesome alternative to nights in front of MSN Instant Messenger. Children into breeding owls could soon create a business to rival FedEx.
- Octopus – Eight arms to hug you with.
- Squid – Ten arms to hug you with.
- Kraken – Ten arms to hug you with, plus huge, horrible teeth and the power to swallow a ship whole, which will scare off your child’s bullies.
- It’s a little known fact that gorillas can be taught to speak using sign language, with a vocabulary of over 500 words. Giving your teenage son a gorilla is therefore likely to increase his vocabulary as he learns from his pet.
- Boa constrictor – A hug from a boa constrictor is like a hug from no other pet.
- Let your small-statured child walk tall as they ride their pet giraffe.
- If your child is young enough to be learning to read, an aardvark is a great starting pet.
- Mink – For the fashion-conscious girl, a mink represents a great pet. Not only are these lovable carnivores extremely cuddly, but when winter comes, their pelt makes a wonderful coat.
- Cockroaches are excellent pets if your finances are stretched and your house-keeping skills less than adequate. Almost indestructible.
A Bat – Because they don\’t know who Vampires are.
A Zombie: Will Eat Your Family Enemies, Protect Your Kids, and, Make One Hellofa Fighter
Snails- if you accidently step on it while your kid is at school you cand just go to the garden and pick another(make sure to replicate any decorations that the kid has put on ther)
A PET LAWN – they can cut it and feed it to the pet compost heap too.
A Brick- Very cheap maintenance and quite easy to neuter. But at least put a set of eyes and fake lips on it for cuteness.Note: You must place in baby capsule in case of accident.
Butterfly
Teach your kids how to fly away
Black cat- So you can inspire your kids if they want to give other people bad luck!
Sharks Not only will your kids have a loving pet but you can also keep them fit by putting them and the shark in pool. Who said kids don’t exercise?
A Housefly They’re free, abundant, eat crap and they only live for 3-4 days. imagine the look on their faces when their pet falls from the air DEAD! What a better way to teach your kids about the cycle of life, death and grief! AND they are so easily replaced!
A Kookaburra. What else is going to laugh at his/her jokes.
Dung beetle Teach your kids good personal hygiene
A pet rock Then if they get out of line, you can heave it at them!
Chris Tomkins … I’d like to have him in my place so I could ride him … I wonder if he’d buck me.
Horse Keep your rowdy kids quiet by teaching them to be a whisperer!
Camel The perfect pet during those water restrictions!
Stingray Can serve as a warm and cozy blanket on those cold under-water nights. And can also easily rid you of annoying, over-enthusiastic wildlife show hosts.
Nothing teaches children about assertiveness (and flashy Las Vegas showmanship) more effectively than the good old fashioned white tiger. The moment they let their guard down, well… Look at Roy Horn!
A Sheep The Kiwis swear by them I’ve been told.
Tasmanian Devil Think of the fear a child could cause by telling people that they own a ‘Devil’ for a pet.