Other Wars We’d Like To Start

November 1st, 2001

Liam, pillow and chair

The world is focused on one problem at the moment, but we think there are other important issues that need to be addressed.

This month, we present some of the other Wars the world should declare.

  • War on TV Terrorism – World coalition against people who constantly change channels without notice.
  • War on Hunger – World coalition threatens to bomb hungry people.
  • War on Errorism – World coalition against typos.
  • War on Mullets – a world coalition against Billy Ray Cyrus.
  • War on Banality – A world coalition threatens to bomb television stations until they stop producing reality television.
  • War on Hype – World coalition threatens to bomb anyone who makes a big deal about anything. (* Also see War on Constantly Stating the Obvious).
  • War on Constantly Stating the Obvious – World coalition targeting television journalists, who constantly state the obvious.
  • War on Hyperbole – World coalition targeting politicians who make overly grand promises. The war to end all wars.
  • War on Peace – a world coalition threatens to bomb any nation that refuses to commit war.
  • War on War – a world coalition threatens to bomb any nation that threatens war.
  • War on Apathy – World coalition of countries that can’t be bothered threatening war.
  • War on Infotainment – World coalition threatens to bomb home shopping shows in four easy instalments.
  • War on Morons – World Coalition declares war on Professional Boxers.
  • War on Boron – World coalition declares war on the fifth element.

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Other Wars We’d Like To Start

Your suggestions

  1. War on France Why not?

    Current score: 0

    Dave [06/01/2003]

  2. War on WWII A worldwide effort to stop the insane and nauseating spate of WWII films, books, and documentaries on this over exposed event. Tom Brokaw and Tom Hanks will have to be captured and forced to stand trial in order to declare victory.

    Current score: 0

    GEORGE R [06/01/2003]

  3. War on self die and let live.

    Current score: 0

    George [06/01/2003]

  4. War on Propaganda war on sons who go to war to impress their former president fathers, and an end to selective journalism on both sides of the coin.

    Current score: 0

    Bridget Flood [06/01/2003]

  5. War on Annoying Email Chain Letters and Their Senders Coalition against irritating "friends" who send emails that end with, "if you don’t foward this to ten other people, your parents will die".

    Current score: 0

    Brigitte Jellison [06/01/2003]

  6. War on Raw II A war against The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin and the combined forces of the WWF.

    Current score: 0

    Christopher Mason [06/01/2003]

  7. War on Raw I War against dyslexics

    Current score: 0

    Christopher Mason [06/01/2003]

  8. War on Morning People War on those people who insist on being cheery early in the morning, led by normal people who are grumpy until a decent hour.

    Current score: 0

    Jane Mac [06/01/2003]

  9. War on Educational Toys we have a lifetime to learn so why start them young?

    Current score: 0

    Billy Bob [06/01/2003]

  10. War on websites that promote war on anything Any website that promotes war on anything, serious or not, real or imagined, whatever, will be bombed with "Jesus Loves You" virus hoax email.

    Current score: 0

    Steve Davis [06/01/2003]

  11. War on Reminiscing at least we can have Xmas without Granny boring us to sleep with pointless stories which go no where – just what you need after stuffing 3 pounds of Turkey down your gullet.

    Current score: 0

    Chuck Manson [06/01/2003]

  12. War against blankets: people around the world joining forces to remove blankets and doonas from repeat dutch-oven offenders who think that their farts smell like roses.

    Current score: 0

    sharyn atkinson [06/01/2003]

  13. War on the Wild Side apid bombing raids until Lou Reed stops releasing solo albums.

    Current score: 0

    brian vo [06/01/2003]

  14. War on Ice Can be either a battle against your un-defrosted freezer or a Disney retelling of Vietnam.

    Current score: 0

    Andrew Hunting [06/01/2003]

  15. War on Why World coalition threatens to bomb people who think it is funny to ask why continually

    Current score: 0

    Chog the Frog <span class="josanswer">[Why would they do that? - Liam]</span> [06/01/2003]

  16. War on Tacky People The fashion police could not control this epidemic. The world must come together and fight the wearing of socks with sandals.

    Current score: 0

    Angela Flanagan [06/01/2003]

  17. War on Unnecessary Products A world coalition against products that we don’t really need. Like M&M-minis, Pepsi One, AOL, and the NASA Mars Probe Program.

    Current score: 0

    D Seebs [06/01/2003]

  18. War on War the ultimate battle against irony.

    Current score: 0

    Fun E. Erthanyourone [06/01/2003]

  19. War On That One Fat Sweaty Guy At Concerts world coalition declares that they will seek out the ‘fat sweaty guys’ (there’s one at every concert) and place them into their own city, where they will bomb them unless they form an elete army of fat sweaty mosh pits, which is so unstoppable that eventually we will ALL SMELL!

    Current score: 0

    Rufus Albino [06/01/2003]

  20. War on Piracy World coalition’s attempts to stop rampant piracy/idea stealing in Microsoft products.

    Current score: 0

    Stephen H [06/01/2003]

  21. War on Bagpipes World coalition theatens to blow up bagpipes.

    Current score: 0

    Bradley Auty [06/01/2003]

  22. War On Walls nybody who uses walls to hold the roof of their house up, instead of their hands, is bombed.

    Current score: 0

    Jake Wilson [06/01/2003]

  23. War on people with ADD eclare war on all people suffering from ADD, with any luck they wont be able to concentrate long enough to fight back.

    Current score: 0

    R.S.Hague [06/01/2003]

  24. War on Crappy Music World coalition decides to bomb Celine Dion and Bryan Adams off the face of the Earth, then send the Backstreet Boys and N’SYNC to Uranus (because they like it so much) then blow it up.

    Current score: 0

    Steven Rothenburger [06/01/2003]

  25. War on Tofu World coalition uses soy bombs against countries that eat tofu.

    Current score: 0

    Robespierre Mullet [06/01/2003]

  26. War on Pork orld coalition of sheep producing countries attacks pork producing countries with mint jelly.

    Current score: 0

    Robespierre Mullet [06/01/2003]

  27. War on Sanity World coalition declares war on everyone who’s not using Microsoft Windows

    Current score: 0

    Santa [06/01/2003]

  28. War on Banal Conversation World coalition slaps people who things like, "Yup, it sure is a Monday," or "It ain’t the heat, it’s the humidity."

    Current score: 0

    Robespierre Mullet [06/01/2003]

  29. War on Monkeys World coalition declares war on all simians, the theory being that one day they might evolve and develop bombs and declare war on humans.

    Current score: 0

    Jake Wilson [06/01/2003]

  30. War on Microsoft h wait the Justice Department already tried that.

    Current score: 0

    Dave Cody [06/01/2003]

Any suggestions?

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