Other Wars We’d Like To Start

November 1st, 2001

Liam, pillow and chair

The world is focused on one problem at the moment, but we think there are other important issues that need to be addressed.

This month, we present some of the other Wars the world should declare.

  • War on TV Terrorism – World coalition against people who constantly change channels without notice.
  • War on Hunger – World coalition threatens to bomb hungry people.
  • War on Errorism – World coalition against typos.
  • War on Mullets – a world coalition against Billy Ray Cyrus.
  • War on Banality – A world coalition threatens to bomb television stations until they stop producing reality television.
  • War on Hype – World coalition threatens to bomb anyone who makes a big deal about anything. (* Also see War on Constantly Stating the Obvious).
  • War on Constantly Stating the Obvious – World coalition targeting television journalists, who constantly state the obvious.
  • War on Hyperbole – World coalition targeting politicians who make overly grand promises. The war to end all wars.
  • War on Peace – a world coalition threatens to bomb any nation that refuses to commit war.
  • War on War – a world coalition threatens to bomb any nation that threatens war.
  • War on Apathy – World coalition of countries that can’t be bothered threatening war.
  • War on Infotainment – World coalition threatens to bomb home shopping shows in four easy instalments.
  • War on Morons – World Coalition declares war on Professional Boxers.
  • War on Boron – World coalition declares war on the fifth element.

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Other Wars We’d Like To Start