This woman suffers from melodramaphobia.
Have you ever noticed how many phobias are really old fashioned?
Ablutophobia is a fear of bathing. Who the hell ever had that since the invention of the hot tap?
What we need is a new set of phobia that accurately describe human fears in the 21st Century.
Here they are.
- Paperjamophobia – fear that the photocopier will realise that this time it is important and not just invitations to your party.
- Photophobia – fear that the photos your ex-lover took will end up plastered all over the Internet.
- Arachnophobia – fear that they’ll make a sequel to Spider-Man.
- Fingerophobia – fear that there’s one sheet too few on the toilet roll.
- Technophobia – fear of dance music.
- Jonesesophobia – fear that someone else’s thing is better than yours.
- Pornophobia – fear that someone else’s thing is bigger than yours.
- Gohomophobia – fear that the beer will run out and people will leave your party early.
- Phobophobia – fear of the first moon of Mars, Phobos.
- Dieavirginophobia – irrational fear that Britney Spears will die a virgin.
- Hindenbergaphobia – fear of balloons.
- Historyophobia – the fear that the history function in Microsoft Explorer will reveal to your partner all the nasty sites you have been visiting.
- Autophobia – fear of car advertisements that show the car moving at normal speed, then switching into slow motion as it goes through a puddle.
- Brontophobia – fear of watching The Flintstones.
- Frigophobia – fear that your fridge needs defrosting.
- Zoophibia – fear of being invited to the zoo on a first date.
- Publicdisplayofaffectionophobia – fear of a girl trying to hold your hand at the mall.
- Paperjamophobia Maxus – The fear that the photocopier will jam with your party invitation stuck inside as evidence.
- Emailophobia – the feeling you get just after clicking ’send’ that you may have accidentally addressed the sexy email intended for your partner to your parents.
- Vertigo – the fear that the girl you have been impressing with your knowledge of Alfred Hitchcock films will discover that the only Hitchcock film you’ve seen is the remake of Psycho.
Nursinghomophobia The fear that the entire world will eventually smell like butt.
Pissedonmyselfphobia fter you use the restroom there are pee stains on your pants because you couldn’t control your penis.
Pervertophobia The irrational fear that the helpful advice and good intentions you’re giving to that new female employee will end up in her filing a sexual harassment suit against you.
Homophobia fear that your mother will send you to your room without any dinner because you’ve got home after curfew.
Oldhumpophobia The fear of walking in on your grandparents while they are in a compromising position.
Beepophobia a fear that some jerk behind you in a car will beep his horn if you stall your car engine at trafic lights and can;’t move for a minute
Typpopobia feer of miss-spellng wrods
Ithinkiambeenhackedbyjesusphobia The phobia of having your computer santificated by the pope
Iraqnophobia fear of having a massive caterpillar moustache under your nose
MemoOhMyGodphobia the fear that you’ll actually remember all the things you did on the town last night.
Lollypopguildophobia fear of midgets.
Arachna-necro-philio-homo-aquaphobia A fear of Having sex with male underage gay spiders in water. We all have it.
Minimizophobia fear that the boss is watching you play games while you should be working.
Annakournikobia The fear that my wife will walk in on me looking at naked pictures of popular Tennis players.
Titaniphobia Fear that the movie you really want to see is just going to end up being another James Cameron dumbed-down gung-ho multi million dollar cinematography load of crap.
Superheavymidgetwithout-of-proportion-eyebrowsophobia Fear of Australian Prime Minister John Howard
Controlaltdeletophobia fear of Microsoft products.
Aerophobia Fear of glam-heavy-rock bands with ugly Mick Jagger lookalike frontmen.
Holybatophobia The fear of Batman coming out the comic book.. and trying to mack you.
Wheresmydiskmanophobia fear of leaving your portable cd player behind you on a bus
Likingbertieaherneophobia fear of liking the irish prime minister bertie aherne (this is a phobia exlcusive to Ireland)
Fartophobia The fear that you have to blow gas in a crowded elevator.
Phobiophobia The fear of people making up phobias. My head just melted.
Dildophobia the fear your girlfriend prefers a sextoy over your penis.
Garthenniswritesyouophobia The fear that you exist in a weird, twisted comic book, and your untimely death will occur in a bizarre and creative fashion.
Ohmygodtheyinjectsiliconintothebellybuttonto-makebreastslargerphobia The fear of finally finding out that the way they do breast enlargements is to inject silicon up your belly button and then realising you also have a fear of belly buttons.
Geekophobia – ar that someone else in the room has whiter/pastier skin than you do
Nineelevenschlockophobia the fear of having to put up with weeks of 9/11 related stuff on the tv, radio, newspapers, magazines, etc each September.
Brokaphobia the fear of running out of cash in a club just before you buy that gorgeous girl a drink
ISPshutdownophobia ear that your internet service provider wil shut down and you will have to go and….gulp.. talk to your parents or socialise with real people…