Have you ever noticed how many phobias are really old fashioned?
Ablutophobia is a fear of bathing. Who the hell ever had that since the invention of the hot tap?
What we need is a new set of phobia that accurately describe human fears in the 21st Century.
Here they are.
- Paperjamophobia – fear that the photocopier will realise that this time it is important and not just invitations to your party.
- Photophobia – fear that the photos your ex-lover took will end up plastered all over the Internet.
- Arachnophobia – fear that they’ll make a sequel to Spider-Man.
- Fingerophobia – fear that there’s one sheet too few on the toilet roll.
- Technophobia – fear of dance music.
- Jonesesophobia – fear that someone else’s thing is better than yours.
- Pornophobia – fear that someone else’s thing is bigger than yours.
- Gohomophobia – fear that the beer will run out and people will leave your party early.
- Phobophobia – fear of the first moon of Mars, Phobos.
- Dieavirginophobia – irrational fear that Britney Spears will die a virgin.
- Hindenbergaphobia – fear of balloons.
- Historyophobia – the fear that the history function in Microsoft Explorer will reveal to your partner all the nasty sites you have been visiting.
- Autophobia – fear of car advertisements that show the car moving at normal speed, then switching into slow motion as it goes through a puddle.
- Brontophobia – fear of watching The Flintstones.
- Frigophobia – fear that your fridge needs defrosting.
- Zoophibia – fear of being invited to the zoo on a first date.
- Publicdisplayofaffectionophobia – fear of a girl trying to hold your hand at the mall.
- Paperjamophobia Maxus – The fear that the photocopier will jam with your party invitation stuck inside as evidence.
- Emailophobia – the feeling you get just after clicking ’send’ that you may have accidentally addressed the sexy email intended for your partner to your parents.
- Vertigo – the fear that the girl you have been impressing with your knowledge of Alfred Hitchcock films will discover that the only Hitchcock film you’ve seen is the remake of Psycho.