This woman suffers from melodramaphobia.
Have you ever noticed how many phobias are really old fashioned?
Ablutophobia is a fear of bathing. Who the hell ever had that since the invention of the hot tap?
What we need is a new set of phobia that accurately describe human fears in the 21st Century.
Here they are.
- Paperjamophobia – fear that the photocopier will realise that this time it is important and not just invitations to your party.
- Photophobia – fear that the photos your ex-lover took will end up plastered all over the Internet.
- Arachnophobia – fear that they’ll make a sequel to Spider-Man.
- Fingerophobia – fear that there’s one sheet too few on the toilet roll.
- Technophobia – fear of dance music.
- Jonesesophobia – fear that someone else’s thing is better than yours.
- Pornophobia – fear that someone else’s thing is bigger than yours.
- Gohomophobia – fear that the beer will run out and people will leave your party early.
- Phobophobia – fear of the first moon of Mars, Phobos.
- Dieavirginophobia – irrational fear that Britney Spears will die a virgin.
- Hindenbergaphobia – fear of balloons.
- Historyophobia – the fear that the history function in Microsoft Explorer will reveal to your partner all the nasty sites you have been visiting.
- Autophobia – fear of car advertisements that show the car moving at normal speed, then switching into slow motion as it goes through a puddle.
- Brontophobia – fear of watching The Flintstones.
- Frigophobia – fear that your fridge needs defrosting.
- Zoophibia – fear of being invited to the zoo on a first date.
- Publicdisplayofaffectionophobia – fear of a girl trying to hold your hand at the mall.
- Paperjamophobia Maxus – The fear that the photocopier will jam with your party invitation stuck inside as evidence.
- Emailophobia – the feeling you get just after clicking ’send’ that you may have accidentally addressed the sexy email intended for your partner to your parents.
- Vertigo – the fear that the girl you have been impressing with your knowledge of Alfred Hitchcock films will discover that the only Hitchcock film you’ve seen is the remake of Psycho.
“And THEN she said…” ophobia Fear of old grannies.
gettin’jiggyophobia Fear that you will have no idea what anyone, especially rappers, are talking about because you aren’t up on the most current slang terms.
Dontstopophobia Fear that if you stop driving you will be car-jacked.
Ummnothinghoneyophobia Fear that your wife will find you secretly jacking off in the middle of the night
Petercostellophobia 1. Fear of lizards 2. Fear of autoeroticism 3. (archaic) Fear of losing one’s fingers in a till drawer
Didactiphobia Fear of people who think they know everything.
Abstractartophobia The fear of going to a modern day museum with your date and having to say things like, “That’s not art. That’s a green cheeseburger nailed to a garbage can.”
telephobia Fear of eating your cellphone and having to use it while still in your stomach.
Ohmygodiamsolostinthisconversationphobia Fear of not knowing what the hell other people in your group are talking about
Sueophobia Fear of getting sued by a lawyer for beating up a lawyer who sued you for beating up a lawyer who sued you for beating up a lawyer…
ProbeTheGlobeForObi-Wan-KenobiLobesAphobia The fear of having to find a stunt double (with ears that big) for Obi-Wan Kenobi.
AAAAhohgoodAAAAAHophobia Fear of waking up from a nightmare and finding something worse, then waking up from that for something worse, then…
Marshmallowmenphobia Fear that the Marshmallow man out of the Ghost Busters will squash you when you are not watching.
Phonophobia Fear of your boss calling your cell phone after you called in sick, whilst you are in a noisy amusement parlour.
Intelligent-Life-on-MarsPhobia Fear that George W Bush admits he is really a Martian and therefore represents intelligent life!
DeepFryerRevenge-a-phobia I had an awful thought one night. If someone really hated me, they could throw water into my deepfryer and hot fat would explode on my face when I used it next.
Bybusophobia Fear that the bus will go past you while you’re walking towards the stop.
Lightbulbophobia Fear of a light bulb falling out of the socket onto your head as you walk by
Germanophobia A fear of big butch women.
Bodyunlikelytobeimprovedbycosmeticsurgeryophobia The fear that cosmetic surgery will not improve your looks
Gymophobia Fear of changing clothes in the locker room
Oilshortageophobia Fear that the world will run out of gas and you will have to walk to work
Noboobsphobia Fear of every girl’s tits going flat.
Midgephobia Fear that a midget will sneak into your room at night and poke you with its tiny fingers
Pikachuaphobia The fear that your little brother will spontaneously turn into a Pokemon.
TheresSomeoneLivingInMyRoof-a-phobia The fear of people living in your roof space and spying on you through exhaust fans in the bathroom
EqualOpportunophobia – The fear that your lazy, incompetent co-worker will get promoted before you do.
HarryPotteraphobia The fear of writer’s block. J.K. Rowling currently has this phobia
Wetlegophobia The fear of waking up to the dog humping your leg.
9to5ophobia Fear that you will end up just like your parents