Life In The Tenties

February 6th, 2010
hybridcar300 Life In The Tenties

The term 'hybrid car' will take on a new meaning in a fuel-poor decade.

Another decade has begun as we say goodbye to the excitingly-named ‘noughties’ and enter the slightly-more-awkward ‘tenties’.

At the start of the noughties, terrorism was something that only happened in the Middle East, black US presidents existed only in the movies and a 1 gb hard drive was really hard to fill up.

The noughties saw the rise of social networking, reality tv and celebrity deaths, and the fall of financial stability, the environment and privacy.

Good times.

So what will befall us over the next 10 years? The first female US president? World peace? Ten more seasons of ‘LOST’?

Here’s our predictions:

  • Apple will copyright and trademark the letter ‘i’ and request royalties every time it is used. Mississippi will go bankrupt.
  • Old people will complain about young people. Young people will claim they know better than the old people. There will be a war declared between young people and old people. Young people will win. James Cameron will make the movie.
  • There will be flying cars. Then flying traffic jams.
  • The 1980s will come back in vogue. Again.
  • Aliens will finally make contact, then politely excuse themselves and head home at light speed when they realise humans are all self-absorbed idiots who spend too much time on Facebook hoping their friends are interested in what they ate in the last half-hour.
  • Some people will get sick of playing Bejeweled.
  • There will be a concerning trend among teens of ‘hexting’ in which they send spells via text message.
  • Text messaging and Twitter will become the dominant forms of communication. Anything longer than 320 characters will be considered “too wordy”.
  • Movies involving vampires and zombies will be considered “so last decade”.
  • Justin Bieber will become the biggest name in music – and then that name you can’t quite recall.
  • Oprah Winfrey will become the first female US president. Sarah Palin will have her own TV show.
  • Humans will set up a new colony on Mars which will be used to house the detritus of human society – serial killers, pedophiles and reality-tv stars.
  • George Lucas will re-master and release the entire Star Wars collection in 3D, then Smell-o-vision, then they will all be remade by Peter Jackson.
  • TV will go 3D and be projected into mid-air. The programs will still be crap.
  • Science will discover that all fruit and vegetables are linked to cancer. Everyone will start eating dirt.
  • Secret CIA documents will be released revealing who killed JFK… It was Elvis.
  • Humans will abandon the concept of ‘conversation’ and simply communicate in short, snappy status updates.

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Life In The Tenties

Readers' thoughts on what the tenties will bring

  1. Animals will be able to talk and so will my hand!!! (YAY I WILL FINALLY NOT BE LONELY) :D

    Current score: 1

    MaggieN [18/09/2011]

  2. Sleep will no longer exist, everyone lives on non sleeping drugs

    Current score: 0

    Becca [07/06/2011]

  3. Life will stay stuck in the 50′s, nuclear power will become the norm, and communist China will attack America for their power, resulting in a post-apocalyptic wasteland where you get to run around shooting and disintegrating irradiated super mutants with laser guns while listening to swing/jazz music and/or messages of peace, love and baseball from the President 3000 robots.

    Oh wait, that was Fallout 3…

    Current score: 0

    Dan [31/01/2011]

  4. People will forget the Jersey Shore ever existed… one can hope

    Current score: 3

    Jeff Nelson [03/01/2011]

  5. Barack Hussein Al-Qaeda Obama will announce that he/she is a lesbian, thereby becoming the USA’s first gay female black Muslim president.

    Current score: 0

    stinkfoot [19/10/2010]

  6. The computer is personal again and then not and again and then not and again and then not and again and then not and again

    Current score: 3

    Rick [08/10/2010]

  7. People will realise Farmville and other Zynga games really aren’t that amazing.

    Current score: 1

    Dan [28/08/2010]

  8. Dr Phil will embark on a worldwise mission, much like a missionary, except instead of sharing the Gospel, he will tell every person individually in their native tongue to “Get over it, y’all.” Oprah will be offended and eat ice cream. Liposuction will be replaced with creamosuction, and doctors will forever cure ice cream induced obesity by having creamosuction tubes tied into every emotionally distressed human in the first world countries.

    Also, Marty will finally get back to the future.

    Current score: 0

    RyanTheGreat [05/08/2010]

  9. Christ will not appear in USA due to the fact that finding three wise men and a virgin would represent too big a problem.

    Current score: 4

    RBMeppem [04/08/2010]

  10. Your horsie car could it be a carriageless horse.

    Current score: 1

    RBMeppem [04/08/2010]

  11. pot will be legalized and doctor who will become the worlds most popular show, people will start churches and cults waiting for the mighty david tennant to return in his flying police box.

    Current score: 2

    stonrboy [25/07/2010]

  12. We will find Narnia…

    Current score: 7

    Emmy Truscott [21/06/2010]

  13. The planets will obviously line up in 2012. i believe there wil lots of changes on our planet. times will have to go way back like in the beginning in order to save the planet. too much has happened with the polution, animal instinct, the ice-burg issues(bears etc.).water level issues. and soo many more. I just pray i maybe I could be the next ‘Noah’ lol. serious. there\’s too may fires, tornatos, earthquakes n floods. should be interesting seeing as most cultures all believe the same thing on that day of dec.12/2012 what ha to be, has to be.

    Current score: 3

    kim prattis [07/05/2010]

  14. Jesus Christ will return to where he is thought to have originated, the Middle East. Sadly, Muslims have a zero tolerance policy for Christianity. He will then be crucified again, or perhaps be the victim of a suicide attack. Another long wait for the beloved Christian icon’s return.

    Current score: 7

    Es de Coteau [26/04/2010]

  15. Penguins will make an extremely light pair of huge wings that allow them to fly. PENGIUNS ATTACK FROM ABOVE FROM NOW ON!!!

    Current score: 5

    The Awesome One Nesbit [19/04/2010]

  16. Massachusetts will secede from the Union and declare themselves and independent nation of tea lovers

    Current score: 6

    Alex Ewers [10/03/2010]

  17. On Dec 21th, 2012, the psychic LaToya Jackson will predict correctly that the next Mayan calendar was just lost under the couch cushion & absolutley nothing will happen making the Mayans, the History channel & Nostradamus look really stupid! But in an ironic turn of events, everyone that wasted money on the movie will start riots all over the world trying to get their money back. This will later be called "World War III", the war that ended the world!

    Current score: 4

    Scotty Quick [21/02/2010]

Are you some kind of Nostradamus? What do you predict will happen in the next decade?