Life In The Tenties

February 6th, 2010

The term 'hybrid car' will take on a new meaning in a fuel-poor decade.

Another decade has begun as we say goodbye to the excitingly-named ‘noughties’ and enter the slightly-more-awkward ‘tenties’.

At the start of the noughties, terrorism was something that only happened in the Middle East, black US presidents existed only in the movies and a 1 gb hard drive was really hard to fill up.

The noughties saw the rise of social networking, reality tv and celebrity deaths, and the fall of financial stability, the environment and privacy.

Good times.

So what will befall us over the next 10 years? The first female US president? World peace? Ten more seasons of ‘LOST’?

Here’s our predictions:

  • Apple will copyright and trademark the letter ‘i’ and request royalties every time it is used. Mississippi will go bankrupt.
  • Old people will complain about young people. Young people will claim they know better than the old people. There will be a war declared between young people and old people. Young people will win. James Cameron will make the movie.
  • There will be flying cars. Then flying traffic jams.
  • The 1980s will come back in vogue. Again.
  • Aliens will finally make contact, then politely excuse themselves and head home at light speed when they realise humans are all self-absorbed idiots who spend too much time on Facebook hoping their friends are interested in what they ate in the last half-hour.
  • Some people will get sick of playing Bejeweled.
  • There will be a concerning trend among teens of ‘hexting’ in which they send spells via text message.
  • Text messaging and Twitter will become the dominant forms of communication. Anything longer than 320 characters will be considered “too wordy”.
  • Movies involving vampires and zombies will be considered “so last decade”.
  • Justin Bieber will become the biggest name in music – and then that name you can’t quite recall.
  • Oprah Winfrey will become the first female US president. Sarah Palin will have her own TV show.
  • Humans will set up a new colony on Mars which will be used to house the detritus of human society – serial killers, pedophiles and reality-tv stars.
  • George Lucas will re-master and release the entire Star Wars collection in 3D, then Smell-o-vision, then they will all be remade by Peter Jackson.
  • TV will go 3D and be projected into mid-air. The programs will still be crap.
  • Science will discover that all fruit and vegetables are linked to cancer. Everyone will start eating dirt.
  • Secret CIA documents will be released revealing who killed JFK… It was Elvis.
  • Humans will abandon the concept of ‘conversation’ and simply communicate in short, snappy status updates.

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Life In The Tenties