Dead for 30 years, Michael Jackson's body will begin to decompose in 2054.
We’ve looked into the future, and it’s not pretty: four more years of George W. Bush, then Americans will elect another complete prat to be President.
You know how we know?
It’s what Americans have always done. Why change?
Anyway, while looking into the future, we analysed world trends, took some wild guesses, and made some bold predictions.
Here they are: our prognostications about life in 2054.
- People will finally have tired of reality TV, and a new concept for TV shows will be introduced: using actors and scripts.
- Oil supplies will have run out. The world will discover how to harness an alternative energy source: Red Bull.
- There will be a cure for cancer, but not for spam.
- The continuous breeding program that gave the world Alec, Billy, Stephen and Daniel will mean that every male Hollywood actor is a Baldwin brother.
- People won’t go to the movies anymore, now that every film contains a Baldwin.
- People will cache their entire lives to their hard-drives, recording every conversation, movement and fart. It will take two continuous weeks to watch your friend’s video of her two week holdiay.
- Newspapers will be thinner because the entire English language will be comprised of SMS-abbreviated words.
- The world’s population will reach 7 billion. Finally, there’ll be a statistical certainty of even the ugliest people getting laid.
- It will be safe to go camping in the jungle. All the animals will be extinct.
- Global warming will have turned the Sahara Desert into the world’s largest beach resort.
- George Lucas will complete his new masterpiece: Star Wars Episode XXXV: Rise of the Ewoks (Again)
- James Bond will finally have met his match.
- George Bush IV will be elected and declare war on Iraq, hoping to finally avenge his father, grandfather and great-grandfather.
- Prince Harry will finally admit he has a drug problem: viagara.
- GORSKYS.COMedy wil sell its first t-shirt.
- Life will be discovered on Mars. Night-life will be discovered in Hobart, the world’s dullest city.
- The first successful class action will be brought against KFC after it is revealed that 6 of the 11 secret herbs and spices cause cancer.
- Alien scientists will make contact, but only to beg us to stop screening re-runs of Seinfeld, which they’ve had to endure constantly for 60 years while monitoring our transmissions in the hope of finding intelligent life.
- Men will finally understand women.
- Children will be able to see pictures of the sun in museums.
- Scientists will discover the chicken came first.
- John Farnham will perform his “No, this time it’s definitely the last one ever” farewell tour.
Jay Leno would die in 2054, and his autopsy would reveal that he was non human and came from a planet of ugly people that repeat themselves exactly with corny notations at 11:35 pm everynight for some reason, and have abnormally large chins
Bill Gates will turn off his PC and the world will disappear.
Nothing will taste like chicken anymore.
Indonesia will be overrun by evil Furbies.
My friend will finally pass his driving test!!!
Muckdonalds will offer their 100% real Soya Burger at 99 Dollars! and another Government funded survey will declare that they cause anorexia!
Squid will rise form the oceans and attack humans everywhere, overthrowing them and setting themselves up as the dominant race.
Boobs for men will come as standard issue, join the army and you will recieve 2nd pair free!
Pizza boys will be called to enforce the law instead of the police because with their speedy delivery, they’ll get there before the body’s gone cold.
Scientists will come up with a cure for boredom and ultimately it back fires and everything becomes boring and the human race kills themselves from being bored
Ashlee Simpson will finally realize she has no talent and give up on having a singing career. Jessica Simpson will be confused.
The Michael Jackson paedophille trail will finally be over
George W. Bush will get (legitimately) elected as U.S. President for the very first time
Democrats will finally get over the 2000 election.
The Chicago Cubs will still not have won the World Series!!!
Schapelle Corby makes bail.
My boyfriend will stop calling me (hopefully)
Humans will have wings so il be able to get outta here!!!!
Boring people…. nah they’ll still be boring..
Cops can see murder before it happens
Bill Gates’ mind will be transfered to a computer before his death. Five years later, The Matrix is fully operational. Two hours later, upon completing the installation of the Matrix Kernel, the planet will turn blue and cover itself with a white-lettered apology. Mankind gets wiped out on reboot.
Computer nerds will be getting high on motherboards and hard drives.
Paris Hilton would have set the world record for the most plastic surgery
Dogs will keep humans as pets and will finally get vengence for all the fetching they have had to endure.
Motorola will invent the first combination cell phone/vibrator, and this will give a whole new meaning to the phrase “women are always on the damn phone”
it will be the year 2054
Australia will finally be rid of that pesky little Tasmania country
By 2054 I’ll be able to snow ski, bungi jump and skydive AT THE SAME TIME!!!…..You can too. Just complete the organ donor section on your drivers licence.
We learn to treat celebrities with the respect they say they deserve.
I mean, they used to be human too.
In 2054 Disney will open thier first Global park called Earth..