Dead for 30 years, Michael Jackson's body will begin to decompose in 2054.
We’ve looked into the future, and it’s not pretty: four more years of George W. Bush, then Americans will elect another complete prat to be President.
You know how we know?
It’s what Americans have always done. Why change?
Anyway, while looking into the future, we analysed world trends, took some wild guesses, and made some bold predictions.
Here they are: our prognostications about life in 2054.
- People will finally have tired of reality TV, and a new concept for TV shows will be introduced: using actors and scripts.
- Oil supplies will have run out. The world will discover how to harness an alternative energy source: Red Bull.
- There will be a cure for cancer, but not for spam.
- The continuous breeding program that gave the world Alec, Billy, Stephen and Daniel will mean that every male Hollywood actor is a Baldwin brother.
- People won’t go to the movies anymore, now that every film contains a Baldwin.
- People will cache their entire lives to their hard-drives, recording every conversation, movement and fart. It will take two continuous weeks to watch your friend’s video of her two week holdiay.
- Newspapers will be thinner because the entire English language will be comprised of SMS-abbreviated words.
- The world’s population will reach 7 billion. Finally, there’ll be a statistical certainty of even the ugliest people getting laid.
- It will be safe to go camping in the jungle. All the animals will be extinct.
- Global warming will have turned the Sahara Desert into the world’s largest beach resort.
- George Lucas will complete his new masterpiece: Star Wars Episode XXXV: Rise of the Ewoks (Again)
- James Bond will finally have met his match.
- George Bush IV will be elected and declare war on Iraq, hoping to finally avenge his father, grandfather and great-grandfather.
- Prince Harry will finally admit he has a drug problem: viagara.
- GORSKYS.COMedy wil sell its first t-shirt.
- Life will be discovered on Mars. Night-life will be discovered in Hobart, the world’s dullest city.
- The first successful class action will be brought against KFC after it is revealed that 6 of the 11 secret herbs and spices cause cancer.
- Alien scientists will make contact, but only to beg us to stop screening re-runs of Seinfeld, which they’ve had to endure constantly for 60 years while monitoring our transmissions in the hope of finding intelligent life.
- Men will finally understand women.
- Children will be able to see pictures of the sun in museums.
- Scientists will discover the chicken came first.
- John Farnham will perform his “No, this time it’s definitely the last one ever” farewell tour.
Man will walk on the moon (for real this time)
In accordance to prophecy I shall rule the world – yes a South African on the throne, eventually. Or was that just a dream of me on the loo?
I’ll be 73 and still a nobody. Damn thats a sad thought.
Aliens will finally have landed, after the second coming of Jesus, to do battle with the giant robots which now populate the southern hemisphere. The battle will destroy DA MOON!
Mathematicians will dicscover that “pi” does indeed repeat starting at the 644837878692656283756289692865828476759265982365847561978024976558769827048027986526598256th digit. It starts repeating the number “T”
Nemo’s dad may actually find him.
I will call my great grand-children “darn whipersnappers” and prod them with my walking stick, which I won’t actually use for walking. I’ll also tell them about how “when I was your age, dogs didn’t come in boxes, and when they did, they turned up dead, like your mum. And it was considered luxury to be sent to war because . . .”
The wonders of being an old geezer.
Clowns will exact their revenge on those who laughed at them
Americans will finally learn not to interfere with other countrie’s affairs when they’re not welcome there…
People will wake up and realise they’ve been brain washed into believing their IS a GOD and feel real dumb.
We will travel through time only to realise the world is and always has been, ruled by Monkeys. (Named George)
I will be the leader of the world (Yes a 15 year old can dream!) And I will not only live on the moon looking down at the world, but I will go and fix the hole in the ozone layer with needle, thread and a piece of material.
Doctors will finally locate and eradicate the gene in men that forces them to leave the toilet seat up. Women (and some men…) will rejoice all over the world.
Bin Laden has finished rebuilding the twin towers with his bare hands
France will have, at long last, won a war
Everyone will have finally stopped quoting movies and television shows. As I will have eliminated all of them very painfully.
Mary Kate and Ashley (the Olsen twins) will have there “double retirement trouble” series on TV about geriatric twins in nursing homes
This thread will be 4 terrabytes in size.
Y2K.54 Crisis
Prince Charles will marry Oprah Winfrey
Moon landing skeptics will be deported to Pluto.
China will build factories in USA taking advantage of cheap labor.
Florida would have finally finished counting the votes from the 2000 election.
It is cheaper to break $100 into $1 bills than buy a roll of toilet paper which now costs $101 and has only 100 pieces.
White House has a beautiful view of Atlantic Ocean and new tropical garden.
Bill Gates’ mind will be transfered to a computer before his death. Five years later, The Matrix is fully operational.
Someone will finally discover what Chicken McNuggets are made out of
Gas will cost more than cars
Scientists will discover a cure for being a nerd. Upon using this cure, they will inevitably cease any new scientific breakthroughs.
I still wont get laid