Comments on: How To Keep Bums From Sleeping On Your Doorstep

By: Ryan D'Montigny

Ryan D'Montigny — Sat, 17 Feb 2007 07:39:16 +0000

Turn your doorstep into a trebuchet. When they rest their head down for the night, then release!

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By: Anonymous Dude

Anonymous Dude — Fri, 12 Aug 2005 05:26:17 +0000

Charge him extortionate amounts of rent and when he can't pay, threaten him with eviction (but get help from as many people as possible as then he will be greatly outnumbered and will just have to leave or you will accuse him of "not respecting the views of the majority of local residents").

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By: Anonymous Dude

Anonymous Dude — Fri, 12 Aug 2005 05:22:04 +0000

Tell him that if he wants to become a permanent fixture then he'll have to get planning permission from the local council. If he asks you to do that for him, tell him that you are on the run from the council for not paying council tax.

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By: Waaa Aaaah

Waaa Aaaah — Thu, 21 Jul 2005 15:33:36 +0000

Starve a grizzly bear, drench it in whiskey, cover it in some binliners and leave it on your doorstep.

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By: Possom

Possom — Thu, 21 Jul 2005 15:23:09 +0000

Get round your grandad to tell the bum stories that go no were, eventually he will get bored and go away

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By: melon mels

melon mels — Mon, 11 Jul 2005 01:00:50 +0000

Shove him in the garbage bin and wait for the truck to come pick him up.

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By: joshua

joshua — Sat, 09 Jul 2005 22:11:16 +0000

Heat pennies until red hot and throw them to the bum and he'll leave soon enough.

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By: Sean Andrew

Sean Andrew — Wed, 06 Jul 2005 14:45:39 +0000

Get one moat; four sharks with laser-beams; water; some whiskey (bait). Enjoy!

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By: Anonymous Dude

Anonymous Dude — Sun, 05 Jun 2005 10:11:13 +0000

Download the EU constitution off the internet (only works if you have broadband and about three weeks to spare) then read it to him. He should fall asleep after the first paragraph (if you don't fall asleep first!!). Whilst he's asleep remove him from your doorstep.

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By: David 'Neeaugh' Roberts

David 'Neeaugh' Roberts — Mon, 11 Apr 2005 15:14:19 +0000

Paint your steps white while the bum is asleep, taking care to paint over the bum as well. Hey presto, clean white stairs, and a 'marble sculpture' of a dead bum, to boot.

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