A gas attack from Iraq will make Darth Vader impersonations de rigeur.
US President George W Bush wants to declare war on Iraq because he suspects Saddam Hussein has been stockpiling biological, chemical and nuclear weapons.
Realistically, it’s hard to imagine anything more likely to make Saddam use his biological, chemical and nuclear weapons than being attacked, but who are we to argue with US military intelligence.
So, when George Bush gets his way, and the shooting starts, what can we hope for?
Surprisingly, there are some positive outcomes of Saddam using his weapons against us.
- Nuclear weapons will cause massive genetic mutations amongst those in the impact zone. This means we won’t have to experiment on embryos in order to develop a new, genetically modified human
- If Saddam bombs us with botox, we’ll all look 10 years younger.
- Once he has used his stockpiles, there will be no need to attack him.
- We’ll find out we’ve already been consuming biological weapons agents for years. How the hell else do you explain a McDonald’s thick shake?
- It may force the USA to use up some of its stockpiles of biological, nuclear and chemical weapons, making the world a safer place.
- If Saddam bombs us with mustard gas, we won’t need to buy condiments for a while.
- Being in the blast zone of nerve gas reduces your need for Prozac.
- Bulimics rejoice! Sarin gas makes you throw up uncontrollably.
- The electro-magnetic pulse in a nuclear bomb will fry our CD players, meaning we won’t have to listen to Britney Spears any more.
- If Saddam attacks us with influenza bombs, we’ll be able to call in sick, no questions asked.
people will finnally stop asking me to do my elephant man expression at parties because they’ll be able to do there own
We would actually have a reason to wear all that trendy camo clothes.
We could actually put all that time we spent playing war video games to use. I knew we would need it
We wont need light bulbs any more because everyone will glow.
There will be no need for nuclear power stations, which destroy our atmosphere, seeing as most of them have been blown up from nucler weapons. How ironic.
The USA will be like a Troma film with freak mutants
I hope Iraq wins and the Iraqi people start cross-breeding with us. Just think of the “AWESOME MUSTACHES” we would have in just a few generations.
Those selfless Americans will act as decoys and chemical sponges to save the Kurds and Shi’ites, God bless the genorosity of George
Well, we wouldn’t have to worry about John Howard anymore.
We could get the largest crater in the world. We’ll get more tourists that way…if any are left, that is…
If someone comes along shortly after the nuclear explosion, they can collect all the radiation and produce a new spicy flavour for KFC with it.
I wouldn’t have to do these bloody assignments at school!
At least one of my atoms and one atom of that beautiful girl from high school, will be together in some molecule, somewhere!
Now that Australia is also part of the ‘coalition of the willing’, perhaps Saddam will target them and finish off all those bloody Irish criminal scum we [the British] sent there years ago to get rid of.
If the US get bombed, we could, in the same day, throw a missile at Britney Spears’ house and blame it on Iraq!
Once attacked, there will at least be a real reason to go to war with him, as opposed to oil. Plus, once Saddam’s out of the way, we can move on to North Korea and Iran!
Once we’re bombed, it’ll provide the US and UK with the perfect opportunity to use up all of their weapons of mass destruction too, instantly creating a market for millions more munitions. As half the US budget is spent on defence, this will mean plenty of jobs for all!
I think if saddam attacked the flat areas in London it would produce would give much need retail land.
Maybe after Bush has been blown to little pieces our own feeble Prime minister, ‘Tony Scared’ I mean Blair might start thinking for himself and making some sensible decisions for Britain…coz he aint doing it now is he!!!
Melbourne will finally have consitent, regular weather patterns during a nuclear winter.
We wont have to put up with the Queen’s speech at Christmas.
No more work for the dole program.
When Britain joins with America in starting war on Saddam, us Brits can get away with saying things such as:"Tally ho, onwards to Baghdad chaps" without getting weird looks. At least i hope so.
Michael Jackson won’t have to go to such great lengths (all be they poor) to disguise his face, he’ll be a hero to the mutated and melted.
With any luck London will be wiped out taking half of the younger population of Australia with it, leaving the equivalent Pommie population in Sydney.
Perhaps the fallout may have a reverse effect on Elton John and William Hague and they’ll both grow hair in happiness together.
After we grow that extra limb and eye, life will be so much richer and fuller.
If Saddam succeeds in bombing the US/UK then with a bit of luck Rupert Murdoch and Bill Gates’ media empires will be toppled and we can discuss the war using our own words and ideas (like who the f**k wanted a fight in the first place you money wielding idiots)
It would be good because you could tell your parents to rot in pieces.
Yahooo… no need to work anymore !!