How To Build Confidence

August 15th, 2008
a brave man in a mankini walking down a crowded street

This is the sort of confidence financial markets and mankini sellers especially are hoping for from consumers.

Over the last few months, the media has been on and on about consumer confidence being low. Given we’re all consumers, I guess that means we’re all low in confidence.

Confidence is a very important part of your character. If people think you lack confidence, they will probably take advantage of you or steal your handbag or something.

So, we’d like to help everyone get their confidence back with some tips for building confidence.

  • Start every morning with a mantra, such as “I am the greatest”, “I rock my world” or “I will probably get through today without breaking down and sobbing”.
  • Make a list of your strong points. Then throw it away, because it will just bring you down when you realise you don’t have that many strong points.
  • Make a list of someone else’s strong points, like a champion sportsman or an award-winning academic. Then put your name on the top and stick it to your fridge.
  • Pretend you are a superhero. Make yourself a superhero suit and wear it everywhere. (Note: masks may have to be removed when entering a bank).
  • Pick a fight with someone weaker than you. Then fight them. And win. (Children and old people are a great place to start).
  • Pick a fight with someone really, really tough. You may be beaten to a pulp, but everyone will think it was very brave of you to try.
  • Only watch inspirational movies like ‘Jerry Maguire’, ‘Chariots of Fire’ or ‘Requiem for a Dream’.
  • If people intimidate you, look carefully for a flaw in their physical appearance and point it out to them. If they are really tough, do it anonymously, by email.
  • Take a picture of your most-attractive friend and put it on a dating website with your details and wait for the compliments to roll in.
  • Every time you see Donald Trump on TV, shout “You’re fired” at him.
  • Listen to people like Jessica Simpson, Kyle Sandilands or George Bush – and feel good when you realise there are much more stupid people than yourself in the world.

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How To Build Confidence

Your Tips For Building Confidence

  1. Beat up an ugly kid. Then, everyone will think you\’re tough AND better looking

    Current score: 0

    Raine Harte [27/07/2009]

  2. Wear a clearly visible explosive suicide vest on the outside of your clothes and stomp around in crowded places yelling… "You’re all going to die!" and "KABOOM!".

    Current score: 0

    Mr P. Poo [18/02/2009]

  3. Make a nice pair of ear-muffs out of a dead puppy.

    Current score: 0

    Mr P. Poo [18/02/2009]

  4. Draw stupid faces on a mirror with a white board marker and say to yourself \\\’this could have been you\\\’ … then wipe it off cos chances are it looks better than you … !

    Current score: 0

    Mark Rocha [18/02/2009]

  5. When at school or work, make sure you sit in the middle of the fat ugly people… Either they’ll make you look better or you’ll blend in so nobody will laugh at you.

    Current score: 0

    Once upon a time [01/02/2009]

  6. Win an internet argument. Heck, if you can do that, you can do anything.

    Current score: 0

    CozB [31/08/2008]

  7. Pretend to be the greatest, most awesome person in the world. Eventually, even you will believe you are.

    Current score: 0

    CozB [31/08/2008]

  8. Go to Harrods and look at a really expensive item, and say loudly "Nah i dont think i need another one of them."

    Current score: 0

    Dean Robson [28/08/2008]

  9. A Procedure for building confidence:

    1. Get intrigued by an advert on Facebook
    2. Click on the link
    3. Read the suggestions on how to build confidence written by members on the the listings at GORSKYS.COM.
    4. Critically analyze them.
    5. Realize that they blow like the wind.
    6. Sign up to become a member on the spot and write your own insult at their expense.
    7. Win the contest.

    Current score: 0

    Alex Storino [28/08/2008]

  10. Only associate with people who are fatter, uglier or more stupid that you

    Current score: 0

    Harriet James [26/08/2008]

  11. Send me $1,000,000. Well, it will make ME confident…

    Current score: 0

    Silent Dan [23/08/2008]

  12. Make a suit. Made of confidence.

    Current score: 0

    Silent Dan [23/08/2008]

  13. Just do it.

    Current score: 0

    Silent Dan [23/08/2008]

  14. Everytime you see yourself in the mirror give a small compliment..

    Current score: 0

    Timothy Russell [20/08/2008]

  15. offer a dog doo-doo "candy bar" to any person who suggests that hurting any kindhearted defenseless animal is funny.

    Current score: 0

    Judith Rubin [20/08/2008]

  16. look at nasty people like they had a big wart just removed from their forehead and look at yourself like you are so lucky because you are nice and g-d gave you this GIFT; also, i take offense at steph\’s comment: sorry, you should NEVER hurt an animal.

    Current score: 0

    Judith Rubin [20/08/2008]

  17. Make a video clip of yourself standing in front of hundreds of national monuments all over the world, saying \

    Current score: 0

    The Max [20/08/2008]

  18. Kick a puppy….it might help! You never know!!

    Current score: 0

    steph porrino [18/08/2008]

  19. Steal candy from a baby…cruel yes, but WOW it feels good! (plus you get candy!)

    Current score: 0

    steph porrino [18/08/2008]

  20. Leave love-letters lying around for yourself. This is a great way to see, every single day, that somebody loves you. For example, my screenname on MSN is I <3 Ryan. Therefore, every time I sign in, I get reminded of how much I\’m loved, and I keep getting reminded every time I talk to anybody.

    Current score: 0

    Ryan The Great [17/08/2008]

How do you build confidence?

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