Liam tells J.K. Rowling about his great idea
J.K. Rowling has finally released the fifth Harry Potter book, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.
It’s about time. At the rate she’s churning them out, her youngest fans will be almost 20 by the time the seventh (and supposedly final) book is written.
This is, of course, because Rowling had a very bad case of writer’s block while writing Order of the Phoenix. Without being able to think of ideas, she couldn’t write a book.
This month, we suggest some great ideas for the next instalment Harry Potter series.
- Harry Potter and the Terrible Headache – After years of flashing pains in the head, Harry’s doctor discovers the pain isn’t caused by his scar, but a malignant brain tumour.
- Harry Potter and the Copyright Lawyer – Harry Potter sues J.K. Rowling for unauthorised use of this life story.
- Harry Potter and the Order of Fries – Harry gets a job at McDonalds.
- Harry Potter and the Sorcerer Get Stoned – Harry discovers marijuana.
- Harry Potter and the Road Map To Peace – Harry’s magic powers encounter something even he can’t fix: Palestinian and Jewish stubbornness.
- Harry Potter and the Year Not Much Happened – In a striking turn of events, Voldemort takes a year out from planning world domination, and has a holiday to Majorca, leaving Harry with not much to do.
- Harry Potter and the Hobbit – Desperate for something to do, Harry reads a fantasy classic aloud to Ron.
- Harry Potter and the Pregnancy Scare – Ron and Hermione have a close shave.
- Harry Potter and the Order of Whiskey – Harry realises magic scars aren’t the only thing that can make your head hurt.
- Harry Potter and the Years of Therapy – Harry takes a while to recover after walking in on Dumbledore in a hot, steamy session with Dobby.
- Harry Potter and Friends On Ice – Towards the end of the franchise, the money-making attempts go decidedly down-market.
- Harry Potter and the Dark Secret – Proving that Dumbledore is driven by the same lustful urges as any man, he and Harry share moments of pleasure, and a dark secret.
- Harry Potter and the Crossover – Harry Potter teams up with the girls from Charmed to defeat Lord Vader.
- Harry Potter and the Enormous Bill – Harry discovers that his education at Hogwarts wasn’t covered by his inheritance after all. Notable excerpts include applying for a bank loan, cleaning windshields at the intersection of Diagon Alley, and making monthly repayments.
- Harry Potter and the Deluge of Spam – Harry goes online and discovers not even magic can stop spammers.
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Chamber of Prisoners and Goblets of Phoenixes with Princes – Rowling gets sick of the whole series and recaps the rest of the books in a hilarious “Clip’s Show”
Harry Potter and the Anti-Climax – Harry wakes up and it was all a dream.
Harry Potter and the Tight Lil’ Dress Harry finds he would perfer to be callled Harrina.
Harry Potter and the Orgy with the Phoenix Harry, Ron, Mrs. Weasley, Hermione, Ginny, Draco, Tonks and Fawks, the phoenix have an orgy
Harry Potter and the sad ending Harry and Voldemort decide to stop fighting and killing and have a square dance instead
Harry Pothead and the Half-cut Prince Harry and Price Harry on a night out.
Harry Potter and the Boogie Board Bag Malfoy leaves Harry a special surprise in his boogie board bag while travelling to Bali
Harry Potter in Denial 99,999,999,999,999 pages of J.K. Rowling saying she hasn’t got writers block.
Harry Potter and the Poxy Little Twat Harry looks in a mirror
Harry Potter vs Predator Harry gets chance to show off his new scars. Maybe a chance for romance.
Harry Potter Does Dallas Harry has a great time exploring the more mature plot lines
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Erection What will Harry do when he can only get it up half way?
Harry Potter and the Plothole Harry and friends defeat Voldemort, but there is no indication as to why and how.
Harry Potter and the Spanish Inquisition. Noooo one expects the Spanish Inquisition, but they turn up anyway, and subject Harry to ‘Ordeal by Comfy Chair’.
Harry Potter and the Magic Wand Harry discovers Viagra.
Harry Potter and the Matrix Harry dodges bullets for 300 pages.
Harry Potter and the Weapons of Mass Destruction Harry levels Hogwarts in a pursuit of weapons of mass destruction that he says are definately somewhere.
Harry Potter and the Enchanted Jockstrap No amount of magic will get the stains out of Harry’s favourite jockstrap. Hermione says she likes them.
Harry Potter and the Boob Job Harry gets into trouble with Hermione for doubling the size of her breasts while she is sleeping. Harry adamantly insists that he should have gone larger.
Harry Potter and World Domination After defeating all his adversaries and solving most of the worlds problems, Harry realises that there is nothing left in his way.
Harry Potter and the REAL use of “engorgio” Harry realises that the growth spell “engorgio” can do so much for his pride and manhood.
Harry Potter and The Magic Mushrooms Harry takes a psychadelic trip to a special land, without leaving the room.
Harry Potter and the Sexually Transmitted Disease Harry has a battle with gonorrhea.
Harry Potter and his True Identity After an encounter with his old friends Michelangelo, Raphael, and Leonardo, Harry realizes that he is the long lost “Piccasso” ninja turtle.
Harry Potter and The Spelling Bee
Harry studies Entymology and gets a little help from a friend in the garden.
Harry Potter Wrestlemania™ This is it, folks! Harry finds himself making the ultimate face-off against characters from Lord of the Rings! Harry vs. Frodo, Dumbledore vs. Gandalf, Hermione vs. Galadriel and Ron vs. the cave troll! Root for your favorite team!
Harry Potter and the Closet of Secrets Harry comes out of the closet about his sexuality
Harry Potter, shit that wasn’t ment to happen! Voldemort kills Harry, and takes over the world.
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Rohypnol Harry wakes up the morning after the Yule Ball with a sore anus and no recollection of the night before.
Harry Potter and the truth Dumbledore tells Harry that he and his world is fictional. Harry gets so upset he goes on a kiling rampage to prove Dumbledore wrong.