Chris uses his pet pony to help save money.
Living in the noughties is expensive. As the rich get richer and the poor pay the rich’s taxes, it’s time to tighten your belt and save wherever you can.
Follow the Gorskys useful home money saving hints and pocket the savings.
- Make your own glue by boiling down your pet pony.
- Old jars can be used to fill up empty shelves.
- Save money on laundry detergent by buying new clothes each week.
- Girls, save money on battery purchases by growing your own cucumbers.
- Ear wax can be used to grease squeaky hinges.
- Get all your friends to install a tin can with a piece of string stretched to your house for low-cost communication.
- Make a delightful long lasting table arrangement by putting a dead stick into a vase. Makes an excellent conversation piece.
- Don’t throw out that belly button fluff. Six months of fluff is enough to insulate the average home.
- An old pair of underpants can become a delightful tea-cosy. Makes an excellent conversation piece.
- When moggy dies, have him skinned for a warm furry cap. Now, it’s not the cat in the hat; the cat is the hat.
- Save on expensive oven cleaner by not using your oven and eating out every night.
- A thimble of methylated spirits mixed with orange juice makes a refreshing summer beverage. Whatever you do, don’t smoke.
- A personal security alarm mounted on your front door makes a great doorbell. Impress your guests. Scare away the Mormons.
- Cut costs on matches by leaving your gas stove burning.
- Save your used Band Aids® to stick posters on your wall.
- Band Aid boxes can be flattened and stuck together to make exciting posters. Makes a great conversation piece.
- Art lovers, stick a can of Campbell’s Soup to your wall, and claim it’s an Andy Warhol original.
- To turn toast back into bread, scrape and soak in water.
- Use both sides of the toilet paper.
- Why waste money on a baby sitter? Lock your kids in a cupboard.
- Paint colours on the leaves of your weeds to make them look like flowers.
- No dishwasher? Try popping your dishes in the washing machine.
- Save on power bills by replacing our high wattage light bulbs with broken ones.
When travelling overseas, make sure you only use other peoples’ hotel with compliments drinks vouchers – this way you can sell yours at a cheaper rate to visitors staying longer thank you.
When going out to a restaurant with a group, don’t order anything – just say you’ve come for the company. Just ask for a little taste of everybody elses once the meals have arrived.
In response to the debate over how one knows the left sock has disappeared in the washing, surely its the right sock that disappears because the remaining sock is left.
Buy black clothes because when they get dirty you cant see it. Also move into a potato sack, hurt yourself to get money from the insurance companies, go to other peoples houses to eat food there, re-use the same napkin more than 20 times, also sign up for contests like this to get free things so you dont have to buy them.
When going out to cafes/restaurants etc with friends, under no circumstances take out your wallet-let them pay. When the waiter brings back the change on the plate, make sure you get to it before your friend foolishly leaves it as a tip for the waiter.
Dwell in darkness. Saves electricity. Pretend you’re a dog and use the backyard. Saves water bill on plumbing. Exist only on Ramen noodles and water.
Meals need not be material things:
Entreé – A light starter of disbelief.
Main – Steamed Incredulity, grilled amazement and a side dish of bemusement.
Desert – Chilled discontent topped with a crisp wafer of disgruntlement.
After dinner drinks – Piping hot anger with a generous dollop of wrath.
Run out into the middle of the street and get hit by a car. Your insurance will pay for it and you will get free food, lay around and watch TV all day and if you need a rub, ring the nurse. If you’re lucky, she’ll be cute.
Take a potato from your potato jar and throw it through your window, allowing the cool breeze to enter, saving money on air conditioning and ventilation. While you’re at it too, train your dog to fetch your beer, but make sure he doesn’t drink it first. Bad dog!
Again on washing… who needs to? Just put all your clothes in a pile in the corner. The sweat from wearing them will eventually run through from the clothes on top to the bottom, hence effectively washing them. Then, simply spray with Brut, Lynx Rexona for a lasting freshness.
Seal all external doors and windows up. Not only does this save on wear and tear on the door handles and hinges, it also stops you from going outside and spending any money AND stops criminal types entering and stealing any posessions you DO have.
Just a comment really … to Margrethe Baustad … how do you know it’s the left sock that always goes missing?
Got an old incontinent relo? Don’t waste money on inontinence pads for them. Tell them to stick an old aluminium plate down their pants instead. Just like their own portable bed pan…and a bigger and fatter inheritance for you.
If you’ve got kids, ban all their friends from visiting. They drink your milk and eat whatever the can. You’ll save heaps and even be able afford the shrink’s bills for the kids further on down the track.
If you’ve got kids, don’t let them bring their friends over so they don’t wear out the carpets, polished floors or lino. All of these are expenisve to replace. You’ll save heaps.
Stop washing your socks. It is, and always have been, a well-known fact that everytime you wash your socks in the washing machine, the left sock almost always disappears. By not washing your socks, you won`t be losing so many socks, and, as a result to that, you will not have to buy new pairs of socks all the time!!!
Spend the $1.99 you do have on a 40 oz. so you don’t have to think about how damn poor you are.
Instead of buying new clothes, kill your sister/brother/mother/father/other close relatives, this way, you will cut down on your foodexpenses, and you can take their old clothes. It`s not as if they`ll be needing them!!!
Instead of smoking marajuana, smoke oregano… your friends will never know the difference and get stoned from the placebo.
Live in your parent’s house….and promise to move out soon when you "get around to getting a job"..great strategy for married folk w/ kids.
Remember that one pair of underpants can be used 4 times: forwards, backwards, inside-out forwards, inside-out backwards.
Do you really need to flush your toilet every time you use it? Keep a log book on the top of your toilet, and make sure it only gets flushed (half flush of course) after every twenty uses.
Do you live near a timber mill? Ask them for some free sawdust – it’s become an indispensible ingredient in my kitchen. Excellent for thickening soups, adding fibre to cereal, cake and biscuit baking, using instead of parmesan on pasta and extending cheap cuts of "meat". And for free!
Cut down on the water bill, pee in the sink.
Go to work, but instead of going home and running up expensive bills, say you are homeless and live in hostels and get free meals.
Save on bills by running a power extension cable to your nextdoor neighbours meter box outlet. Use their garden tap to wash your car and water your plants.
Get married to a guy your size. Get a divorce. You’ll get to keep 80% of his stuff (including the clothes you already know fit you).
Don’t take showers, just jump in the neighbor’s pool. Use your hair dryer as a towel, but dont forget to hook it up to your neighbors electrical box.
Why go out and spend goo money on a paper weight when you can simply starve your husband/wife/mum/dad/kid/sibling (saving money for food too!!) then use their shrunken head as a paperweight. Everyone’s a winner!
Jack up the rear suspension of your car. You will then allways driving down hill and saving on your fuel costs.