Fun Fish Facts

August 1st, 1999
A fish. Uncooked.

Just in case you haven't seen a fish, this is a picture of one. Uncooked.

Fish. We’ve all seen at least one. Normally, you see them on a plate, with that horrible, dead-eye looking up at you, and you wonder why the hell it is that chefs can’t chop the bloody heads off.

They don’t serve the cows head on your plate when you order the steak, do they. They chop it’s head off.

And it’s not because one cow gets served into around 60,000 steaks. Who the hell would eat a cow’s head? They could recycle if they wanted to.

The reason they serve the fish head is to gross you out, and stop you spending all night in the restaurant, when there are people waiting. But, instead of leaving early to go home and hurl, why not tell all your friends these Fun Fish Facts.

  • Fish live in water.
  • Fish actually breathe water, like Aquaman.
  • Fish can swim from as soon as they’re born.
  • Because they breathe water, fish have trouble drowning, so it’s kind of irrelevant if they can swim or not.
  • Fish eat other fish, except for the vegetarian fish.
  • One species of vegetarian fish is called the White, Pale, Anaemic Pointer shark; it eats only vegetarians.
  • Sardines naturally grow in tins. The way the lid cuts you is part of their natural defence mechanism.
  • Oysters aren’t fish, but live in the sea, and taste a bit like swallowing your own phlegm.
  • If every fish in the world was called Eric, there’d be no way to tell them apart.
  • We don’t understand fish language, so they might actually all be called Eric, for all we know.
  • Some people think fish are a higher intelligence.
  • These people are known as morons.
  • If a black fish walks in front of you at night, it has evolved considerably.
  • In ancient Rome, people who sold fish were called Fish Sellers (except in Latin, not English).
  • The French word for fish is poisson.
  • Smearing a fish over your body will make you smell like a fish.
  • The smell of a fish is nothing like the smell of Poison perfume, even if it is spelt almost the same as poisson.
  • Fish don’t have a sense of smell, so they don’t mind smelling like fish.
  • If you swallow a live fish, it will die.
  • Attaching fishing hooks through your body, then hanging yourself from the ceiling really hurts.
  • Fish don’t like being eaten.
  • A group of fish is known as a school.
  • A school of sardines is known as the Victorian State School system, where over-crowding is endemic.
  • Early Christians used to draw a fish in the sand to recognise each other. This was in reference to the miracle of the loaves and the fishes. Why they didn’t draw bread as well, is another issue.
  • The Miracle Of The Loaves and Fishes is the first recording of people eating tuna sandwiches.
  • In space, no one can hear you fish.
  • A fish released into the inky vacuum of space is unlikely to survive long, but NASA hasn’t tried it yet.

( Why not check out ‘Pisces, ARISE!’, a short film about resurrecting fish?)

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Fun Fish Facts