The father of evolution, Charles Darwin, demonstrates his theory that hair doesn't fall out but, rather, grows down as men age.
The world is changing. Global warming will melt the ice-caps, and turn the Sahara Desert into a terrific beach resort. There will be an increase in natural disasters like droughts, floods hurricanes and Mariah Carey comeback tours.
Environmental change isn’t new. It’s happened for millions of years and, each time, those species best-evolved to meet the new challenges flourish. Exit dinosaurs. Enter mammals.
So what does our future hold?
This month, we look at some of the exciting evolutionary improvements that are in store for humankind.
- 104 fingers will make typing a cinch.
- We will all develop ears with fingers to hold cell phones in position.
- Fitness freaks will grow pedometers to automatically count their paces.
- Ugly men will grow breasts so they don’t feel so bad about not having a girlfriend.
- Our circadian rhythms will alter. People will have in-built video rental return rhythms to help make sure overnight rentals are returned the next day.
- Increased carbon dioxide in the atmosphere will make people grow chlorophyll in order to breathe. Green thumbs will be normal.
- Michael Jackson will be proved a visionary: everyone’s noses will disappear to avoid the smell of pollution.
- Iron-lined stomachs will be required when McDonalds finally takes over the world.
- Eyes will become bigger than our stomachs to cope with super-sized meals.
- Between our layers of fat, there will be cling film to allow for easy separation by plastic surgeons.
- The fingers on our right hands will only be five microns wide to enable us to dial our tiny phones.
- Our buttocks will come with their own built-in armchairs.
- Our eyes will be able to see infrared so we can easily see when the TV remote’s battery needs changing.
- Our lung capacity will be doubled to enable us to suck out what oxygen is left in the ozone-filled atmosphere.
- Women’s nipples will contain infrared-blocking agents to thwart pervy guys filming them with night-vision cameras.
Men will be 100% sure of when women are faking an orgasm.
The human race will evolve to the stage where women can talk about sports and get you a beer
Eventually ESP will develop, allowing people to read each other’s minds. When this happens, women will find out what men are really thinking, thus ending the human race through failure to reproduce.
Mouths will turn into a small black line, noses will turn into a small black line, eyes will become big and bubbly and everyone’s hair will be perfect when humans finally evolve into anime.
Humans will devise computers to do absolutley everything and have to build infintely larger houses to make room for our increasingly large buttocks
Women will have toilet seats growing on their arses so they won’t have to keep bitching to men about putting it down after use!
All men’s dominant arms will develop a muscle capable of moving the wrist back and forth at super-sonic speeds, enabling them to masturbate faster.
we’ll all die
The world will be thrown into an age where computer nerds rule the earth.
Crowded elevators will automatically deodorise everybody below the waist to give midgets a fair go
Cell phones will be genetically grafted into the right hand of men giving “rise” to a new meaning for “call” girls. Sorry, no cameras will be allowed in the future cell world!
Men will grow a brain.
As butts grow larger, humans will grow a windshield wiper between their cracks, so they don’t have to reach around to wipe.
Humans will develep in-built alarm systems to detect whether the person they are communicating with is boring.
Poeple will become smart, but blondes have no hope.
People will develop sonar like bats so they will be able to navigate through crowded places without continually bumping into others.
The human race will one day evolve a Siamese nerd twin that will do all the shitty homework while the main human plays games and has fun.
We’ll all grow defense systems in our fingers that prevent us from typing like complete and utter n00bs (more commonly known as retards)
Due to fear of being wimpy, humans will exercise more. Thus, they will grow as strong as their primal ancestors. Shop lifting will once again literally involve lifting a shop.
Human males will develop laser pointers on the end of their penis to ensure they never miss the toilet again. Excessive alcohol consumption may still be proven to negate this evolutionary feat.
Human males will learn how to aim in bed. There will be no more fake orgasms. And everyone will be happy. Except for the nerdy guys over there who, despite being perfectly capable, will never have the chance to reproduce.
Humans will evolve…*drumroll*…the BOOZE GLAND!!!
(Unlimited production of alcohol and alcohol by-products)
Scientists will discover the portion of the brain that causes headaches and neutralise it – thereby improving the sex lives of 80% of married males
Men will develope foot long tongues to satify girls. And there will be another “split” of the human race. There will be the lower class “human apes” who will shine my great great great great great great grandchildrens shoes, dig ditches, and other heavy labor then there will be the real humans.
After years of being thwarted by the police for trying to assasinate George W Bush, Democrats will finally evolve built-in-clones to be the perfect cover!
1 out of 20 people will be able to transform into a giant boat so that everyone can survive the flash-floods.
Matrix Cyber-Punk Wannabes will be born with shades and black trenchcoats.
People will have wheels on their feet to save precious energy previously wasted on walking.
We will develop ear flaps that close anytime we start to hear anything we don’t want to hear, and lips that temporarily seal whenever we’re about to make an ass of ourselves.
Utimately humans will be ‘evolved’ into three groups or shall we call them ‘castes’ – one will be the physical caste (strong bodies, strength etc) – your sportsmen, soldiers, trench diggers etc, the others would be your intellectuals (strong minded computer types) Your bankers, IT blokes etc. and the third one will be gorskys.com fans who the other castes will constantly try to destroy in order to futher better humanity.