Dating Tips For The Noughties

October 1st, 1999
Chris Tomkins as Mahir

Chris Tomkins attempts to be the world's greatest lover: Mahir.

It’s tough being single. When you buy the “family value” sized Corn Flakes, they go stale in the box.

No wonder everyone wants to find true love.

This month the Gorskys present some great ideas on how to behave on dates, and wind up with the partner of your dreams

  • Aim low. Too many people make complex demands like “must be kind, generous and sensitive.” Start at “breathing” and work your way up.
  • When choosing a movie, go for the “two for one” movie deal on a first date. That way, if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted lots of cash.
  • Don’t bring your mother along on the first date.
  • Remember that, except in Penthouse Forum, a good night kiss on the door-step does not involve fellatio.
  • Spend the night talking about yourself. This weeds out the dates who aren’t interested in you, and saves heartache later.
  • It’s rude to give your date a rating out of ten before the main course is finished.
  • Don’t ask your date to bring her mother along on the first date because you saw a great “double-act” in Playboy and want to see what it’s like in person.
  • Romance movies are good. Porno movies are bad.
  • Do what the other person wants, unless they want to rob a bank.
  • Go to a restaurant where you can’t pronounce the names of dishes and order by pointing. It shows you’re not scared of adventure.
  • Farting loudly is a good way of showing you’re comfortable with your date.
  • Remember that the worst thing you can do to your girlfriend during sex is phone her. Webcasting the event comes a close second.

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Dating Tips For The Noughties