We see them on TV every slow-news day. A couple getting married after meeting and falling in love on the Internet.
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Is this ‘Anne’, your cyber-lover? |
Or is this ‘Anne’, your cyber-lover? |
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It seems so common, but people are often scared to start a cyber-sex relationship. This month, GORSKYS.COMedy looks at the benefits, pit-falls and ettiquette of cyber-sex.
- You need to be careful that your dream woman is not in fact a 60 year-old man with a dodgy sense of humour.
- You can send your cyber-lover a
smiley face symbol, and eat the box of chocolates yourself. - It’s perfect if you want to have cybersex with a 60-year old man with a dodgy sense of humour.
- Many chat rooms consider it poor form to ‘walk in’ and shout “Who wants to have cyber-sex with me?” Rooms with names like “Christian Fellowship”, “No Cybersex Here” and “I Love My Barbie” should be avoided.
- That said, it’s great fun to go into the “Christian Fellowship” chat room and ask “Who wants to have cyber-sex with me?” just to make them angry. Beg for their forgiveness as a true test of their committment to Jesus. Then slip in a line about slipping in the tongue.
- Your wedding will be on TV on a slow-news day (and face it, that’s most Saturdays).
- You are guaranteed your cyber-partner is lying, so there’s no harm in you doing it too.
- Cyber-sex to the point of orgasm is banned in most public libraries.
- Make sure your cyber-partner is not one of your parents before aranging to elope with them.
- Make sure that your cyber-partner is in fact human and not some Artificial Intelligence program. You might love your new iMac, but offering to marry one is just embarrassing.
- If you do marry your iMac, make sure you get on TV. Hopefully, Steve Jobs will take pity on you and buy you a floppy drive. (Although a hard drive would be better).
- You can dump your cyber-lover just by changing your nickname.
Never have cyber sex without using surge protection.
Use a liquid proof protection cover on your keyboard
Don’t have cyper sex with Jacky Collins ….. you wont win
I plan to drink a bottle of Jim Beam, dress up as the Flying Nun and insist on giving every girl I meet a kiss. Some interesting is bound to happen!!
Never forget that digital photos of you nude sent in confidence to your cyber lover can easily be posted on 10,000 websites in under an hour. I should know, it happened to me.
Don’t put your computer in safe mode thinking you won’t get her pregnant….. I now have 10 cyber kids because of that myth
You may need to unzip your firewall to get the fullest pleasure, but be warned, this leaves you open to all sorts of viruses!
Always play with your dongles when having cyber sex. If you’re feeling a bit kinky, get out those gender changers.
I would suggess you to include some good pictures.
Don’t confuse Your out ports with Your partners IN ports…
Hey, Not so much as a suggestion but a question. HOW THE HELL DO YOU TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Your multiple personalities can have each their own cyber girlfriends.
She will be wanting a hard drive, not a 3 and a half inch floppy. Make sure you have plenty of ink too!!
The Kama Sutra guide doesn’t say anything about carpal tunnel syndrome. Remember to cyber ergonomically.
SCSI is pronounced "scuzzy", NOT "sexy".
Never press the p button when your having cyber sex.
Remember: An anti-virus protection program is not enough!!!
If you have a flat bed scanner and you want to scan your bits so that you can send them to your cyber buddy, don’t forget to actually wipe your scanner down when you’re done.
Don’t have cyber sex with someone who turns out to be a 98 year old grandmother. Then don’t make the mistake of meeting her 4 real and making love to her in her car. i should know i happened to me
Always use a firewall protection.
If at all possible, make sure you both aren’t 50 year old men stalking 13 year old girls.
Using the mouse adds a fun element of cyber-beastiality to the proceedings….
Don’t insert it into the hard drive. It might get stuck. i tried it!
Using additonal hardware devices is perfectly acceptible.
Make sure that you can operate your mouse left handed
I can find the F1 thru F12 keys, but where’s the FU key?
Calm down buddy! She said “megabyte”, not “May I bite!”
Always have a tissue nearby… my keyboard is STILL sticky from a few weeks ago.
An internet forum is not a type of cyber sex foreplay
Always make sure you have a cyber condom before inserting your CD into her ROM