During the breaks in CSI Miami, David Caruso practises his range of ridiculously dramatic poses - with and without sunglasses.
CSI is perhaps the most popular cop show in the world. One hour long, and a gruesome crime solved every week.
TV critics applaud the show and say that CSI is true to life, and an accurate depiction of the lives of cops in the Crime Scene Investigation unit of Las Vegas.
Which, if you think about it, means it’s basically a documentary.
So, during the ad breaks, what do the characters do? Does the director yell “cut” and these diligent cops just drink coffee until the next cry of “action”? Or do they use their time productively.
This month, we have a guess at what the characters on cop shows do during the commercial breaks.
- Take a crap. It’s not only needed after the four-dozen donuts and thirteen coffees since the first gruesome murder of the day, but it’s one of the few places the cameras won’t follow.
- Go to Miami to work on their tan (and help out in the occasional guest appearance).
- Plant evidence at the scene of the crime to make it easier to pin it on the Muslim 7/11 staffer they want to turn into a terrorist. ‘7/11′ is just too close to ‘9/11′ not to make a police man suspicious.
- Play the slot machines in their Las Vegas-style bathrooms.
- Kill a newly-recruited police officer to have something to show for next week.
- Nip out and commit another crime full of forensic evidence in the hope of elevating the Las Vegas CSI team to the busiest in the USA.
- Play poker in order to build up huge debts to the Mafia to support interesting sub-plots in the next series.
- Freeze, motionless, and hope the criminal they’re chasing does the same.
- Sit down and write up as many witty but cool things they can say when they next find a dwarf deep-fried in batter.
- Go to New York to work on their shopping (and help out in the occasional guest appearance).
- Work out vigorously so that all the donuts they eat on set to look like real cops don’t give them bodies like real cops.
Search children at the local park for weapons of mass destruction.
Watch CSI on TV, and laugh at people whenever they make fools of themselves – before realising that the people they are laughing at are themselves.
Search the children for weapons of mass destruction, but only find odd pills and syringes.
Get arrested by real cops.
Let the children keep the pills and syringes. Since they’re not on duty it’s none of their business.
Hit on the cameraman
Watch soap operas, so they can improve their acting skills by copying the big stars.
They smoke all the dope that they confiscated from drgu dealers.
Use the john, and sing “When your sitting on the jon and you reach for toilet paper, be a man, use the victim’s chopped off hand!”
They look at their wallets and laugh at the amount of money in them. Then say “Hey! We get paied for this crap.”
The black coroner talks lovingly to the carrot-top, mistaking him for a dead guy
put smarties tubes on the legs of cats to make them walk like robots
Get bribed by the real murderers to come up with half-assed ways to pin it on innocent bystanders.
Try to arrest Freddy, Jason and Michael on over 100 counts of “Mass Murder”.
Take the eye out the dead guy and play ping pong with it. The loser has to eat it.
Challenge the cast of Law & Order SVU, on vacation in Vegas, to a game of strip poker.
Watch Law and Order.
Watch The Bill, to see how things work on the other side of the Atlantic.
It is obvious. They go underground skydiving of course.
They all watch Grissom to see if his funny walk is real or just an act.
The cast use some of the dna equipment in the lab to see if they are related.
They sit down and smoke what they siezed.
They sit on the floor cross legged and try to come up with other words that match the abbrev. CSI such as Cat Swinging Insurgent, or Come Swill Iguana, etc
they sumo wrestle in a kiddy pool full of donut glaze
See which one of them can pee furthest up the wall.
Amateur ventriloquism with the cadavers
Make a quick buck peddling to black market necrophiliacs.
Discuss their high ratings with their producers, then wonder how the hell people watch this crap.
They rat through their music files for EVEN MORE supposedly “cool” music to play for every time they act out a mock-up of a scientific procedure. Gaaaa.
They turn the bloody channel over like everone else, doh!