George W Bush and his advisers spin the wheel to decide who'll be the next country to attack. Chris has his money on Hawaii, because when he went for a holiday he couldn't get a lei.
With war against Iraq all but over and at least a year before the next presidential election, George W Bush will be looking at other countries to invade.
Here is the Gorskys likely list of targets.
- Iran – Osama bin Laden could be hiding there
- Syria – Osama bin Laden could be hiding there
- The Mythical City of Atlantis – Osama bin Laden could be hiding there
- France – They didn’t want to be part of the Coalition of the Willing. Osama bin Laden could be hiding there
- Australia – Australian actors and actresses just keep sneaking into America and stealing Oscars.
- Taiwan – They are small and easily defeated.
- South Korea – Near enough is good enough.
- Hong Kong - For biological terrorism in the form of SARS
- Antartica – Because it’ll make a change from a bloody hot desert.
- Nauru – Because it poses an unspecified threat to US security largely because George W Bush doesn’t know where it is, or what’s there.
- Northern Ireland – Why else was Tony Blair was so eager to help out with Iraq?
- Milan – Because it sounds like Islam.
- Vatican City – Why declare war on just one religion?
- Russia – Because the cold war is unfinished business too.
- Middle Earth – Middle East, Middle Earth – whats the difference? George Bush has also heard that they are amassing a huge army of Orcs.
- USA – Been proven to be in possession of weapons of mass destruction.
Iraq – USA might just not get enough. Also Saddam Hussein might be hiding there.
New Zealand and Hawaii When he finds out that most of the actors from Australia that keep stealing oscars weren’t born in Australia!
Venezuela Any dicator is always a good target! Moreover, they have even more oil to steal!
Hogwarts School of Wizardry and Witchcraft – That Harry Potter kid looks like he could be a real threat when he gets older.
Neverland Someone has to control those crazy happy flying kids…they’re an invading army just waiting to happen.
Monaco It’s small (only 2 sq km) and would make a great ‘weekender’.
Tasmania I know its only a state but why not…they’re just strange people!
Canada Listen folks, We are eventually going to run out of places to conquer so we might as well take these guys by suprise…We will sneak attack while the entire country is at a hockey game.
Bassas da India A French colony with ‘ass’ in their name. Dubbya knows something is up here that must be stopped.
Luxembourg A country with a name this long has to be hiding something.
British Indian Ocean Territory First three initials form ‘BIO’ which obviously means they are manufacturing biological weaponry.
Suriname If you can’t spell "s;surname" you shouldn’t really be a country, should you?
Dominican Republic George W. Bush went to primary school with a boy called Dom who wasn’t very nice.
China Because they FUND North Korea’s military budget. (Oh, wait that’s not funny, they really do).
Glorioso Islands Sounds too happy. French.
South Sandwich Islands Mmm … sandwiches.
Australia They didn’t seem to have any causalties in this war; they must’ve been helping Sadam.
Galapagos Islands Coz Bush hates the environment. Where else can he make a better statemen about how little it counts but at the home of the germination of the environmental movement?
California (making San Francisco its Baghdad), New York, Oregon, and other liberal Lefty cities in the US. They weren’t in the Coalition of the Willing either, and they don’t start dancing on the streets whenever Bush goes there.
Wales Because, like the Iraqi country folk, they commune with sheep AND spit when they talk. Therefore they must be terrorists. Besides, they fight the Blairist wing of the USA by trying to retain a national identity (also Osama could be there staying with his aunt Gwyneth Byn Lladen, in Llandudno).
Mars It’s hot, it’s sandy. The sand is red, maybe because of the blood shed by all the oppressed people who live there.
New Zealand Because they hide their intent to overrun other countries (ie Australia) by whingeing about how good it is at home! Who cares if Osama Bin Laden is hiding there. Nuke ‘em!
Iran Spelling mistake!
England Because, in the words of George W. Bush, “Them peoples can’t keep teasing on me for my englishizing, if I destroy the place where English gets talked the mostest.”
Chris Because of that shirt! It makes him look like Bert… and Evil Bert is friends with Osama. So Chris must be hiding Osama in his shirt!
USA Osama Bin Laden could be hiding there…well, they don’t want to take any chances.
The Moon Because we must destroy their cheese stash. It could be used to manufacture biological weapons. Who’s to say Osama Bin Laden is not hiding there. It’s a threat to us all!
Condom in France Because they’re obviously protecting someone
Cuba There are still unresolved issues with this island dating back from the cold war. Anyways, their dictator is old, and senile, and he’s not gonna live a lot more years. There’s no use having him around any longer.
Turkey Why have both a country and an animal with the same name?