Computer Viruses We Want To See

August 24th, 2003
avril vs britney box 262x300 Computer Viruses We Want To See

Britney Spears worm - takes over your CD drive, and refuses to play your Avril Lavigne CDs.

Computer viruses are running rampant. Blaster (aka LoveSan), SoBig, AnnaKournikova. ILoveYou. It’s as if there’s a virus for every possible human emotion or desire.

Of course, you can innoculate yourself with anti-virus software, but how paranoid is that. It’s like using a condom – it may be safe, but it takes the thrill out of it.

This month, we list some of the computer viruses we’d like to see.

  • George W. Bush worm – Masquerades as an anti-virus program. Invades your PC, deletes thousands of “suspected virus” files but can never find any actual viruses. Will take over your machine until it has destroyed everything.
  • Nerd From School virus – Gives your computer embarrassing acne and braces.
  • LoveSam virus – same as the LoveSan virus, but without the annoying spelling errors.
  • Viagara virus – Hijacks your computer and shows you photos of naked women. Guaranteed to make your penis grow 6″.
  • Microsoft worm – Reverses the effects of the Viagra Virus.
  • Weapons of Mass Destruction worm – hides your mouse so you can’t find it.
  • Free Speech virus – sends emails to all your friends telling them exactly what you think of them.
  • Mother virus – refuses to let you use your computer until you’ve cleaned your room.
  • John Howard virus – based on Australia’s Prime Minister. Turns your PC into a 1950′s typewriter.
  • Hamas virus – causes your laptop to explode whenever you hop onto a bus.
  • BBQ virus – literally burns CD ROMs.
  • Paper Clip worm – your computer offers you help to do things you’ve done a million times before.
  • Einstein worm – like the Paper Clip worm, but looks a little like Einstein.
  • Microsoft Help Desk worm – lke the Paper Clip worm, but your computer charges you $5 every time it tells you you look like you’re writing a letter.
  • Bank Fee virus – your computer charges you $5 per month, even if your don’t use it.
  • Oops, I Did It Again virus – your computer sings whenever you press Undo.
  • Elmer.Fudd Worm – changes all your R’s to W’s.
  • Alzheimer’s virus – your computer cant’ remember what the last step was to undo.
  • One Beer Too Many virus – turns your hard drive into a floppy.
  • Red Bull virus – causes your screen to shake and disables the sleep function. may cause computer to crash.

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Computer Viruses We Want To See

Computer Viruses You'd Like To Get

  1. p diddy virus
    Suddenly your computer’s covered in bling bling and sippin’ cristal with a bimbo each side

    Current score: 0

    cheeky chick [03/09/2003]

  2. Winston Churchill virus
    Your computer gets so inspired it actually grows legs and runs off to fight on the beaches.

    Current score: 0

    HpN [01/09/2003]

  3. Michael Jackson’s Baby Virus May hang at any time, caused by parent software.

    Current score: 0

    Kurt Richardson [31/08/2003]

  4. Tyson Virus Will take a byte out of another program

    Current score: 0

    Lost Soul [28/08/2003]

  5. Osama Virus No anti-virus software is able to find it.

    Current score: 0

    Lost Soul [28/08/2003]

  6. Barney Virus A dancing, singing, purple dinosaur appears on the computer screen, causing the user to destroy anything just to make the torture stop

    Current score: 0

    Lost Soul [28/08/2003]

  7. The Waiting For A Bus In Dublin virus You wait years to see this virus, then two come along at the same time, or the viruses are cancelled.

    Current score: 0

    Linda irishmanufan [28/08/2003]

  8. Marijuana3 virus
    Makes your computer forget where your most important files are kept and makes a pigsty of your registry

    Current score: 0

    ChatRat [28/08/2003]

  9. Marijuana2 Virus Makes your computer eat your floppy disks and anything else it can find at 3 in the morning.

    Current score: 0

    ChatRat [28/08/2003]

  10. Marijuana virus Makes your machine giggle incessantly while you try to do serious work.

    Current score: 0

    ChatRat [28/08/2003]

  11. Catholic Virus It marries one of your dll files before reproducing itself as many times as it possibly can.

    Current score: 0

    ChatRat [28/08/2003]

  12. Teenager Virus Every time you try to do anything, a message pops up saying “I’ll do it later.”

    Current score: 0

    ChatRat [28/08/2003]

  13. Anorexic virus Whenerver you put in a floppy disk/CD your computer will shoot it out at the nearest toilet/garbage can.

    Current score: 0

    Nick Fatious [28/08/2003]

  14. CIA Virus Your computer has a virus, but it can’t tell you where it is, what it’s doing, how much it will cost to repair, but continually displays messages that it’s looking after your best interests while it f*cks you.

    Current score: 0

    ChatRat [27/08/2003]

  15. GoShop virus Hooks into your fridge and orders milk and frozen pizzas via your internet connection

    Current score: 0

    ChatRat [27/08/2003]

  16. SoggyBiscuit Virus It gathers its mates around your cookies and makes them unrecognisable

    Current score: 0

    ChatRat [27/08/2003]

  17. CharltonHeston Virus Detects any non-American files and deletes them.

    Current score: 0

    ChatRat [27/08/2003]

  18. Cops Virus Makes every page you go to come out with a really bad voice over.

    Current score: 0

    ChatRat [27/08/2003]

  19. SoGood Virus. The alternative to SoBig and 99% FAT32 free.

    Current score: 0

    ChatRat [27/08/2003]

  20. Sassoon Virus.
    All the content on your hard drive is converted to meaningless and depressing poetry.

    Current score: 0

    ChatRat [27/08/2003]

  21. Taxicab Virus Makes all your files come out in any language except English.

    Current score: 0

    ChatRat [27/08/2003]

  22. PMS virus The computer boot up screen says “Leave me alone and go out and get me some chocolate.”

    Current score: 0

    Key Key Fitz [26/08/2003]

  23. Tony Blair virus Same as the George Bush virus, but with bigger ears.

    Current score: 0

    ben Luke [26/08/2003]

  24. Headache virus
    Every time you try to put in a disk, it tells you it has a headache and rolls over.

    Current score: 0

    MaJeff Magle [26/08/2003]

  25. The Arsenal Football Club virus It deletes all your files while sending you messages moaning and complaining that the files were against them.

    Current score: 0

    linda southern [26/08/2003]

  26. Porn Virus You keep on downloading porn, and when your parents finally catch you, you blame it on a trojan horse.

    Current score: 0

    Ben [26/08/2003]

  27. Tvradiopopculture virus
    Your computer loses the ability to create anything new and distinct.

    Current score: 0

    J W [26/08/2003]

  28. Comic Book Virus Random windows appear saying stuff like “CRASH” “BANG” and “ZOOMZAM!”

    Current score: 0

    HpN [26/08/2003]

  29. Murphys Law Worm “Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong” This worm usually fails to work.

    Current score: 0

    HpN [26/08/2003]

  30. Premature Ejaculation virus Every time your man turns on his computer, it purges.

    Current score: 0

    scott quick [25/08/2003]

What Computer Viruses Would You Like To See

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