Books You Should Not Read Before You Die

February 1st, 2008

Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise look weird.

Katie Holmes' book 'How To Meet Mr. Right (If Mr. Right is a Psychopathic Dwarf-Man)' is one to be avoided at all costs.

When the Lynn Spears (mother of out-of-control popstar Britney Spears and knocked-up teenager Jamie Lynn Spears) revealed she was writing a book on parenting, the irony was lost on no-one.

No kidding. Not even Alanis Morisette could have got this one wrong.

Books are obviously a great way to cash in on yours or someone else’s fame, but, as my English teacher always told me, “write what you know”. Sadly, when I was 16, I knew very little, and failed English. But at least I knew that I didn’t know anything.

You wouldn’t read Osama Bin Laden’s International Diplomacy for Dummies, or thumb the pages of George W. Bush’s Comprehensive English Grammar Omnibus. Nor would you, whilst in the waiting room of the gastroenterologist, absentmindedly flip through Steven Seagal’s How To Be A Great Actor. Or maybe you would, just for a laugh before being probed.

Which led us here at GORSKYS.COMedy to investigate other books you should probably avoid.

(Biographical links provided by s9.com – the biographical dictionary)

  • The ‘Tastes Like Chicken’ Cook Book by Hannibal Lecter, with a foreword by Jeffrey Dahmer.
  • A Prequel Too Far by George Lucas.
  • 20 Great Things To Abuse When You’re Drunk by Mel Gibson.
  • Phone-Kwan-Do: Self Defence for the Telecommunications Age by Russel Crowe.
  • Underexposed: Bits of Paris Hilton You Haven’t Seen Yet by Paris Hilton – A photobiography using the latest in internal photography techniques.
  • I Love Lindsay Lohan by Lindsay Lohan; foreword by Lindsay Lohan.
  • The Complete Atlas Of U.S. America And Such And Other Countries Such As South Africa And Iraq (With Maps And Such) by Lauren Caitlin Upton, Miss Teen South California 2007.
  • How To Spot A Religious Nut by Tom Cruise.
  • You’re Not Beautiful Unless You Can Count Your Ribs: The Olsen Diet by Mary-Kate Olsen.
  • Any Publicity is Good Publicity by Wayne Carey.
  • White Boys Can Rap by KFed; fore-rap by Vanilla Ice.
  • Knowing When To Let Go by John Howard (The sequel to Knowing When to Say ‘Sorry’).
  • Knowing When To Shut Up by Peter Costello.
  • DIY Costume Design by Janet Jackson.
  • I Won’t Stop Until I Own Everything by Rupert Murdoch.

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Books You Should Not Read Before You Die